


And I Can't Get You Out Of My Dreams

by thispastelpinkheart



Category: Monty Python RPF, Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975), Monty Python's Flying Circus
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, BDSM, Consensual Kink, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Romance, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Kinky, Light Angst, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, One Shot Collection, Oral Sex, Reader-Insert, Romance, Rough Sex, Sex, Sexual Fantasy, Spanking, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2020-05-07 15:18:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19212127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thispastelpinkheart/pseuds/thispastelpinkheart
Summary: “Yesterday, I was feeling safe, ohAll I do today is trying to be braveAnd no melody can seem to soothe my mindAnd now I curse you for being so sweet and so kindAnd I can't get you out of my dreamsNow I know that you're thedangerous kindAnd your smile is tattooed on my mindAnd I can't get you out of my dreams...”- Tattooed On My Mind (D’Sound)This is a collection of erotic reader-insert one shots (and maybe some other surprise smut fics) about the one and only Sir Michael Edward Palin.Each chapter caters to a different sexual fantasy and some chapters might be a continuation of a previous chapters. Every chapter has a different Palin era so feel free to pick your poison!(It’s been a while since I’ve properly written smut, so please be kind!)





	1. Hurts So Sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew that underneath all that kindness and silliness was a kinky dominator? Michael Palin may look like an angel on the outside, but he’s a commanding master with his loyal kitten— who may or may not harbour romantic feelings for him.
> 
> [Specific Palin Era: Flying Circus (early 70’s)]

“Please be back home soon, Master Palin. I need you now and I know that you’re just itching to play with me tonight.” I thought to myself as I waited for Michael, my master, to come home.

I tried to pass the time by reading one of the novels and travel books on his bookshelf, but nothing could keep me still. I knew that if I had even attempted to touch myself before he got home, he would immediately tell that I wanked and punish me with extra reprimands and spankings with the most painful paddle: the one made out of wood. He had caught me masturbating once, and I couldn’t walk properly for a week. Lord knows I’m never going to cross that line again no matter how unbearably horny I was. Michael is always in charge.

Each passing second without his presence was driving me more and more mad. The more I tried to escape my thoughts, I more I trembled. How much longer do I have to wait for you, Master Palin?  


* * *

 

I was suddenly startled by the sound of the front door opening. Michael was finally home. I saw him standing there— he looked gorgeous as usual even after a long day of writing sketches, filming sketches, and going from one ridiculous costume to another. He made it look so effortless and didn’t even look the least bit exhausted coming home. He is a Northerner, after all. They’re so used to good honest work that they don’t even break a sweat. However, I was more than ready for Michael to start working on me.

I slowly approach him as he looks me up and down. He’s always such a sweetheart outside of this kind of setting, but when it came to me, he had an intense aura about him.

“On your knees, kitten.” he commanded. 

I knelt down and found myself facing his crotch. As it always was when he came home.

“Welcome home, Master Palin.” I greeted, looking up to his face.

“Did my naughty girl miss her master too much?”

“Yes, master.” I answered.

“I can’t hear you. Again?”

“Yes, master!” I answered a little louder.

“Much better. Always answer with conviction or I’ll punish you harder. Got that?” he asked.

“Yes, Master Palin.” I replied.

“Now pet, change into your uniform. It’s on the bed in the dungeon. I laid it out there before I left. You have 5 minutes.”

I nodded, got up, and rushed to the dungeon to put on my uniform. The dungeon was a room we reserved for our sexual exploits. It was a decently lit room (Master Palin wants to see every bit of me) with cream-coloured walls, coat hooks to hold the whipping gear (paddles, floggers, riding crops), cabinets to keep the sex toys plus my various “uniforms”, and a queen-size bed with a mattress like a cloud.

Laid out on the bed were a bunch of pastel pink-coloured things. A ruffled satin collar with a cute little bow in the center, a ball gag with heart-shaped rings, a lace brassiere and underwear, white stockings with a bunch of pink heart patterns, a garter belt, and a pair of leather handcuffs lined with plush.

I removed my clothes as fast as I could. You can’t put on all of those items comfortably in 5 minutes, that’s for sure. I put on what I could, except for the ball gag and the handcuffs. Master Palin should always have the pleasure of putting those on me.

Just as I finished putting on the collar, Michael walked in. He donned a black silk shirt, dark grey trousers, and a black leather belt. No shoes, as usual— those would only hold him back. He took one look at me before he gave me a seductive little giggle, signifying he was ready to deal with me as he pleased.

“I can smell you getting wet from here, kitten. On to the bed now.” he ordered.

I immediately sat myself on the bed at his command.

“Now my little slut, what shall I do to you? Would you like master to give you a nice spanking?”

Still shaking a little bit from his intimidating aura and the coldness of the air, I couldn’t get my words out properly. 

“I-I…”

“Cat got your tongue? Answer me, slut!” 

“I w-would like a-a good spanking from master…”

“I can’t understand you. Now answer me properly— do you want master to give you a spanking?”

“Yes! I want Master Palin to give me a good spanking because I’ve been a naughty girl who needs to be punished!”

“That’s what I thought. All fours while I fetch the paddle. Don’t move or I’ll spank you harder than usual.”

I propped my hands and knees onto the bed, having my ass out in the open air. The lace underwear barely covered up my butt, making it look like a peach with a piece of ribbon wrapped around it. Michael roughly grabbed my arms from my back and handcuffed my wrists to each other. He then gestures for me to open my mouth so that he can put in the ball gag. My mouth was watering in anticipation of the painful pleasure he was about to give me. He shoved the ball gag into my mouth and strapped it around my head, just above my ears. He looked at me and smirked, very amused by his kitten wearing leather and lace.

Before I knew it, the paddle made contact with my ass cheeks. From what I felt on my skin, he was using my favourite one tonight: the pink leather one with the hollowed out hearts. He runs the paddle against my ass before he swats at one cheek after the other like there’s no tomorrow. It’s as though I was melting because I felt a little bit of my cum trickle down my folds. Each of Michael’s swats made my moans louder and led me closer and closer to completely soaking my lace underwear. 

“You like that, you dirty bitch? You like it when Master spanks you red? Do you?” 

My muffled moans sounded my approval. 

“Well since you like it so much, do you want it harder?”

I wanted him to spank my ass as hard as he wanted, so I went ballistic with my stifled screams, practically begging for more.

“Oh yes you fucking do. Like the lewd little slag you are.”

He went harder. Then harder. Then harder. Happy tears streamed down my face after he had finished making my ass cheeks the most red they could handle being. 

“I think they’ve had enough. Any more of that, they’d end up purple. Sit up.” 

Michael stood in front of me, my face once again staring at his crotch. He removed my ball gag and proceeded to undo his trousers. Pretty soon, I was face-to-face with his beautiful cock.

“Be a good girl and suck master’s prick, will you? I know how much you’ve been craving me all day, kitten.”

Without hesitation, I took his entire cock in my mouth and sucked on it like my life depended on it. His moans and heavy breathing proved that I was doing my job excellently. Just had to wait for the pleasured swearing, and then he’d be completely set.

“Oh fuck me, you know your mouth belongs to me, right? Your mouth is meant to suck my prick and my prick only, understand?” he said, almost hyperventilating. 

I replied by sucking even more hungrily.

“I should fucking punish you for being such a right dirty cunt, but fuck, you’re too good at it!” he yelled as he was close to ejaculating.

At long last, he released his cum into my mouth, let out a loud moan and a handful of profanities under his breath. I was ready to move on to the next activity, but he stopped me just shy of moving away from his cock.

“Oh no, you don’t. We don’t move on until you swallow every last drop of my cum. Lick my prick clean.”

I proceeded to give his cock a little kiss before licking off the traces of cum left like a melting popsicle on a hot day. I was beyond desperate for him to start playing with me again. 

Michael laid me down on the bed and began undoing my brassiere to reveal my breasts. He then whipped out the riding crop. Just like the paddle, he would let it graze my skin ever so slightly and then proceed to swat a part of me. This time, my stomach and breasts were the objects of desire. 

“Count every hit I give you with this riding crop, kitten. Got it?”

“Yes, master… One…two...th-three… four…” 

“Louder, you fucking slut!” 

“Five! Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten!...” 

Every swat, every whack, was just pure pleasure. The higher the number, the more horny I became. God, I wanted him to touch me down there already.

“The tits of a lewd girl like you are too good not to play with. Am I correct?”

“Yes, Master Palin. These breasts are yours. Every part of me is yours.” 

As I said that, in the back of my mind, I was thinking that maybe even my heart could possibly belong to him. It’s a very silly thought, but it’s not false either. Don’t think about it too much. Do you really want to fall in love with your master?

Michael brought his face closer to my left breast and his tongue began flicking the nipple. Pretty soon, his mouth completely devoured it and his left hand played with the other breast. After a while, he switched to sucking the right breast while fondling the other one. I couldn’t help but squirm and tingle at how well he knew how to hit every weak spot my body had. No other man could ever fuck me the way he can. I can only imagine how he’s going to fuck my pussy tonight.

He stood up to retrieve the next item he was going to use on me. I prayed hard that it was going to be something for my cunt.

Sure enough, my prayers were answered. Michael brought out a glass dildo with a pink heart on top. Nothing but the best and cutest sex toys for his princess. After practically yanking my soaked panties off, he slowly inserted the dildo into my opening. Every thrust warranted a scream of ecstasy. As much as I enjoyed the glass wand inside of me, I wanted him to fuck my pussy with his mouth much more. 

“A-ah...oh my god, Master Palin…”

“What is it, kitten?”

“I w-want you t-to…” 

“Spit it out. I won’t know unless you tell me.” 

“Please f-fuck...my twat...with your mouth…”

“Louder, slut.” 

“Please fuck my twat with your—”

“Scream it to the heavens, you fucking slag!”

“Please fuck my twat with your mouth, Master Palin!”

“That’s a good girl.”

Before he eats me out, Michael produces a large drop of saliva and lets it drip on my pussy. My toes curl, I grip the mattress, my breathing gets heavier with each passing second, and I let out an almost animalistic scream.

“So much fuss over a drop of spit? What a lewd little girl you are.” 

Without warning, his tongue lapped my clit, sending me into sensory overdrive. I’ve been eaten out by Michael several times before, but tonight just made me lose my sanity. He felt so much rougher this time around. And I was fucking loving it. He lifted my legs up so that he could take a better look at my cunt before he went to town. He ate my pussy like the hungry man he was. His shaggy hair slightly tickled my inner thighs. As his mouth roughly bit on one of my pussy lips, I roughly bit on my lip as an attempt to control my screams. Who the fuck am I kidding, how is self-control even relevant in this situation?

“Oh, Master Palin! Eat my cunt like the dirty fucking pervert I am! This pussy belongs to you and only you! Oh my… fuck… fuck… fuck!”

I couldn’t hold in my cum anymore. It was overflowing since a while ago and I released while Michael was still working on it. I didn’t even realize that I had squirted all over his face. Uh oh.

He stood up and I could clearly see the wetness I ejaculated on his face. He gave me a menacing smile. 

“A little too enthusiastic, aren’t we, kitten.”

His tone suddenly became stern as he unbuttoned his black silk shirt, leaving him completely naked. His body is perfectly lean, but not too thin.

“You got your cum all over my face. For that, I’m not going to make what I do next the least bit easy for you. I’ll make sure you never feel your legs again.”

The way he spoke to me just heightened my arousal, along with witnessing him in his natural form. He can do whatever the fuck he wants; this body is his. I deserve to have him fuck me as rough as he wanted since I got my cum all over him. I spread my legs wide to prepare myself to be fucked by his beautiful cock.

Michael entered me with no inhibition. Each thrust was harder than the last and our moans echoed throughout the dungeon. At one point, I wrapped my legs around him for dear life. The sound of skin hitting skin drove me closer and closer to the edge. The smell of his sweat and cum overwhelmed my senses.

“You like that, filthy slag? Do you like how Master Palin moves around inside you… how he touches every part of your perverted body? Tell him how you feel.” he said with very heavy breaths. 

“Y-yes…”

“What was that, you dirty bitch?” 

“Yes! I love the way Master Palin moves inside me... I love the way he touches every part of my perverted body... I worship his body… I love having sex with him… I love every minute with him... I love him!”

Oh shit, did I really just fucking say that?

I could see that Michael was subtly thrown aback from my spontaneous confession. No matter though, he still had to play the role of the master to keep me in line. He’s very good at keeping up this character of his.

“Well, pet… will you let master cum all over your perverted body? I’m so close now and I want to see my cum all over you. Sound good?”

“Yes Master Palin, do it! Do it! Make a mess on me! Let me be covered with your cum! I want it...I want it so bad!”

He took his cock out of my twat and pointed it towards my tits, which were still red from the riding crop whacks. He rubbed his dick up and down until…

“Oh fuck me!”

I felt the hot translucent white liquid hit my body, sending a tingle up my spine. The residue became cold after just a few seconds. Despite this, however, I wasn’t through yet. I hadn’t released my load yet even though I was very close to doing so. Michael just left me hanging.

“Master Palin…”

“What is it, kitten?”

“I’m not quite finished yet… I still need a little bit of your help releasing…”

“Poor little pet. Can’t get enough of her master, eh? You’re lucky that I’m a generous one. Would you like to have your cunt played with again?”

Breathless, I nodded. He inserted two of his fingers into my opening and shoved them in and out, in and out, in and out… 

“Ah! Master Palin! Oh fucking fuck, I’m cumming!” 

I let out yet another squirt which basically drenched his right hand. I know he’s ready to punish me again for that. 

“Taste yourself.”

He reached out his right hand to my face and I sucked heartily at his fingers. The liquid was slick and salty, but that didn’t bother me at all.

“You’re a very naughty girl getting your love juices on master, ah. But you’ll be pleased to know that that’s just the way I like it.” he said in a surprisingly loving tone.

Strange, he was always very dominating when we had our sessions. Then again, he had his bouts of going soft on me from time to time. Master needs to take care of his kitten, after all.

“Only the best for Master Palin.”

“For that, I’m giving you your reward, princess.”

Michael’s face drew nearer to mine and he planted a kiss on my lips. My eyes jolted open. Our kiss was unexpectedly passionate, titillating, and delicious. Soon, our tongues began getting to know each other. His left hand cupped my face and I began to close my eyes to get more into it. I couldn’t believe that he was kissing me so...sensually. So romantically.

I know what you’re thinking: it’s like Michael and I have never kissed throughout our whole relationship. Such is not the case. You see, Michael’s never kissed me like this before. The most I’d gotten was a fleeting but slightly erotic smooch on a good day. Also, his rewards usually came in the form of a hot bath, a massage, or a nice glass of wine with a cheese platter. Needless to say though, this was the best reward I’ve ever gotten from him. 

He freed my wrists from the handcuffs and sat me up. He started peppering little kisses on my neck and cheeks. Another thing he’s never done before.

“Fancy a bath?” he asked me.

“Come to think of it, a bath is probably the thing I need most right now.” I said quite coyly, trying not to look into his deep brown eyes.

Michael gently removed my stockings, garter belt, and collar. All of a sudden, he picked me up and carried me into the bathroom so that he could clean me right up, even though he was the one practically covered in my cum. He set me down into the giant bathtub and turned on the water. Soon after, he got into the tub with me.

“Master Palin? What are you doing? You usually don’t get into the bath with me.”

“I like a good change of pace once in a while. Also, you already know that you can call me Michael outside of our shags, right?”

“I know b-but...I thought this was still part of it…”

“After kissing you that passionately, you couldn’t take a hint?”

“I had a hunch, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. Besides, I literally blurted my feelings out. Shouldn’t that have thrown you off just a little bit?” 

“I’ll admit, I was a little surprised. But also sort of relieved.”

“Relieved? Why?” I was puzzled.

“Because...the feeling’s mutual.” He confessed.

I sat and pondered for a while, taking in the fact that Michael just admitted that he loves me too. But I wanted to hear it.

“Michael...if you don’t mind me asking...could you possibly say it out loud for me?” I proposed.

I notice him blush a little when I asked him.

“I-I love you too…”

I smiled ear-to-ear and I couldn’t help but embrace and kiss him when those words left his lovely lips. I kissed him again and again just to show him how overjoyed I was. I’ve never seen Michael so flustered before. It was like I brought out a new side of him.

“Oh, Michael Edward Palin, you’ve made me the happiest girl in the universe!”

Suddenly, his intense aura returned. He pulled me close, looked me straight in the eye and whispered,

“I love you with all my heart. Which is why from now on, I’m going to fuck your brains out even harder. And you will still call me Master. Got it, princess?”

“Anything for you, Master Palin.”

For the rest of the bath, we lathered soap and shampoo on each other and made out again after we had washed. Water was splashing everywhere. We couldn’t help but giggle.

“Will you stay in bed with me tonight?” he asked, since I usually slept in my own quarters in his house.

“Of course I will, Michael. Besides, that means you’ll be able to have me as soon as you want for round two.” I chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, hey! This is my first Monty Python RPF. This chapter is very kinky (especially for a first chapter) and hopefully it wasn’t TOO overwhelming. I’m sure you folks have read way more intense stuff than this. As if you couldn’t already tell, Mike’s my favourite Python. I just get so inspired by him (in more ways than one), that I need to let out my fantasies for all the world to see. Hopefully my smut writing gets increasingly better with each succeeding chapter. I’ve got more in store, trust me. ‘Till the next chapter! Stay lovely.


	2. Why Can't I Wake Up With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Oh, I can't decide if I should read or think_  
>  _I'll keep an open mind, 'til the day sets in_  
>  _Hear you call me_  
>  _I'm so willing to call back_  
>  _Hear you thinking, hope you hear me thinking too_
> 
> _Why can't I wake up with you_  
>  _Somewhere there when I open my eyes_  
>  _Baby why can't I wake up with you_  
>  _You're my life, my love_  
>  \- Why Can't I Wake Up With You by Take That
> 
> Thinking Michael’s going to be home extra late tonight, you try to pass the time and realize how dreadfully boring the flat was without him. You decided to have some fun with yourself after having sexual fantasies about your flatmate/best friend. Little do you know that Mike arrived sooner than you wanted him to. 
> 
> [Specific Palin era: Flying Circus (early 70’s)]

“Morning!” you hear an unmistakable voice say cheerfully as he exits his room.

“Morning, Mike! How would you like your eggs today?” you say to the chipper fellow.

“Hmmm...I’d like them sunny side up please.” he happily answers.

“You seem pretty peppy today, old chap. Anything new? A raise? A new girlfriend? A shag buddy?”

“None of those yet, I’m afraid. It’s just that I have so many ideas for sketches today and I can’t wait to discuss them with Jonesy. I’m on a roll, that’s all.”

“No wonder you look so haggard, though. You must’ve been up writing all night.”

“Well, it’s a living. I can’t properly function without writing something down on a piece of paper. I’d go mad.” he chuckles.

You couldn’t help but think about how nice it was to have Michael Palin as a flatmate. He was such a nice ball of sunshine and he treated everybody he met with kindness and care. Not to mention that he was intelligent to boot. You can pretty much discuss anything with this man and he’ll have something witty to say about it.

You crack the egg into the pan and watch it sizzle while Michael takes a seat at the dining table. He reaches out for that day’s paper to check on the news, seeing if there are any current events or phenomena he and the lads can rag on.

“I can’t believe they’re making you come in on a Saturday, Mike. It’s a little unfair if you ask me.” you tell him as you cook.

“That’s because unlike you, I don’t have a regular office job. Writers and performers can’t afford to take the whole 2-day weekend off every week, you know.” he replies.

“Alright, alright. But being a music magazine editor has its setbacks too. Not that I’m downplaying your struggle or anything, I’m just saying.” you tell him matter-of-factly.

“Oh, it’s okay. Must be difficult to try and get an interview with rockstars without getting lost in the crowd of groupies. Or being constantly mistaken as one.” he laughs.

You sigh and let out a small giggle. You take Michael’s plate and slide the egg right on top of the toast in one swift motion. You observe Michael’s outfit as he reads the paper. It’s a white button-on shirt, a kitschy sweater vest, a pair of coffee brown slacks, and black loafers. For just a mere brainstorming and writing session, he sure knew how to dress fashionably with the times. It was the 70’s— kitsch and boho were in.

Michael smells the aroma of the freshly cooked egg and takes his eyes off of the newspaper. He smiles at you, knowing that you always made the best breakfasts, no matter how simple they were. You couldn’t help but smile back.

“Coffee or tea today, Mike?”

“Fix me up a cup of coffee this time, love. I feel like I need the extra energy. In fact, I might be home a little later than usual today.”

“Oh my. What time?”

“Let’s say about 9 or 10 PM at the latest. It’s alright, you can go ahead and have supper without me.” he said before having a bite of his breakfast.

“Yeah...sure… can I at least leave you something that you can easily heat up in the stove? I’d feel bad assuming you ate and not leave you anything.” you say, quite concerned.

“You worry too much. I’ll be fine.” he assures you.

After fixing up his coffee, you sit at the table with him so that you could eat your own eggs and toast. It felt nice having these homely breakfasts with him every morning (if he wasn’t asleep) since it was a bit of good flatmate bonding time for days when either of you had to go to work. You’d usually have more time to spend with him during the weekends, but he’d work on those days too. You felt concerned that he might be working himself a little too much.

Michael checks his watch and his eyes suddenly widened.

“Oh bugger, I’m gonna be late! And I still have to pick up the late bleedin’ Graham Chapman from his flat.”

He basically scarfs down the rest of his breakfast then rushes to find the keys to his Mini Cooper. You go to find his travel mug since he hardly even sipped his coffee. You quickly but carefully pour the coffee into the stainless steel cup to make sure Michael can grab it right before he walks out the door.

You see him dash out of his room, keys in hand, hair a shaggy mess, and a frantic expression on his face.

“Mike! Your coffee!” you yell, stopping him in his tracks just before he gets his coat and exits the flat. He turns back to grab the travel mug.

“Thanks, love. Don’t wait up!” he says. He flashes you one last smile before he bolts out the door. What a sweetheart.

Now, you were all alone. You weren’t exactly sure on what to do for the rest of the day since you’ve pretty much read all of your novels, played your records to death, and you didn’t really feel like going out. Then again, it’s only 10 AM. Hopefully something good was going to be on telly tonight. Unfortunately for you, Top Of The Pops already aired last Thursday and Corrie just aired the night before.

An idea pops into your head: make some profiteroles! Simple ingredients you already have in the cupboard and not to mention Michael would come home to a delicious treat. You gather the box of vanilla pudding, the respective cartons of the cream and milk, butter, salt, flour, and eggs on the table.

 

* * *

 

 

“Huh, that took less time than I thought it would.” you think, dumbfounded that making the profiteroles only took a reasonable 2 and a half hours. And that included cleanup.

You go to the sofa and turn on the television while waiting for the profiteroles to completely cool in the refrigerator. Sigh, it was only 12:30 in the afternoon. How could you possibly pass the time productively?

“I think I’ve worked myself to the bone interviewing the Stones plus Wings all within this week. Swimming through a crowd of groupies really does a number on you. Maybe a nice hot bath will help relax me.” you say to yourself as you get up to grab a profiterole from the fridge after contemplating in front of the television for a while.

After savouring a sweet pastry or two, you go to have a relaxing hot bath. It made your body feel warmer and less tense. Finished with the bath and with drying yourself off, you change into a very casual boho shirt dress and a pair of boy shorts in your room. You lay down on your bed and take a few deep breaths before getting completely acquainted with your mattress and pillows. Absorbing your surroundings, you feel that everything was silent. Too silent.

“I’ve never noticed until now, but it’s so dull and dreadful here without Michael. I’ve spent days alone in this flat, yes. But today just feels… strange.” you were telling yourself.

You couldn’t help but miss Michael’s amusing little quirks, his intellect, and his ingenuity as you lay in your bed. Making you smile never took him too much effort, even if he wasn’t around. And his smile— you were easily weak in the knees for that million-pound smile.

You began reminiscing about “flatmate bonding” time which included cooking, baking, analysing classic literature, and cracking silly jokes.

Then, a specific random memory slips into your mind— that one time you two went swimming together. You noticed how great he looked without most of his clothes on while looking back on it.

“Wait, what?!” you scream to yourself, wondering why you would think about such a thing. “No, it can’t be that way. Mike’s just my best friend and flatmate, that’s all. You couldn’t possibly have the desire to shag him, right? God, pull yourself together, woman!”

As you were arguing with yourself, your mind begins to play moments with Michael that you didn’t realize were definitive proof that you were very much attracted to him— his warm embraces, the time you assisted him with trying on costumes, and most of all, the time he came home absolutely soaked from the rain. His hair was dripping and his shirt became see-through despite having a raincoat on. You had rushed to get him a towel and tried to dry off his hair even though you were already tiptoeing since he was a much taller fellow than you.

One such thing that pushed you completely off the edge was picturing yourself waking up next to Michael.

“Morning, beautiful. I had a great time last night. Did you?” the daydream Michael says to you, grinning bashfully and looking at you longingly with those dark brown eyes of his while snuggled up with you in the sheets.

The sensation was leaving you more hot and bothered every passing minute. You try to repress it by attempting to drown out your thoughts into random non-sexual things and even trying to coerce yourself into a nap, but the desire you were feeling for Michael wouldn’t leave you alone. Without warning, your body begins feeling like your clothes are holding you back. It makes you extremely fussy and has you tossing and turning in your bed.

...

“Fuck it! Where’s that bloody massager I bought? Must be here somewhere…” you say while looking for the Hitachi magic wand that was originally intended for your muscle pain. But who the hell were you kidding? That gadget was for your twat! You had no choice but to finally surrender to your sexual frustration.

“Ah, found it!” you exclaim as you grab ahold of it. You plug it into the wall and practically throw yourself on the bed so you could finally go to town and get it over with. “It’s only a quarter to 5. Mike’s not going to be home until late, so what have I got to worry about?”

You toss off your boy shorts along with your underwear, and lift your shirt dress up to reveal your breasts. You switch on the massager to its lowest setting and start gently working it on your nipples. The vibrations make you bite your lip and grip tightly on a pillow with your free hand. Small whimpers begin to escape your lips as you begin grazing the massager across your body.

As the device started coming closer to your womanhood, fantasies of Michael having his way with you start to flood your mind rapidly. The vibration finally reaches your twat and you release a full-blown moan.

“Fuck!”

 

* * *

 

“I’m home!” Michael says as he opens the door of the flat.

Surprisingly, the brainstorming and writing session ended pretty early. Feeling a bit peckish, Michael opens the fridge to see if there’s a bite to eat. He sees the stack of profiteroles on a plate along with a note that said “Late night sweets for you. Dig in, you hungry animal.”

“Oh, the cheeky girl. She didn’t have to. Lucky for her, her nuisance of a flatmate is home early.” he thinks to himself and takes a bite of the pastry. He’s very delighted to have come home to such a nice treat from his flatmate. He wondered though, where were you?

Michael called your name, but you couldn’t hear it no matter how much he was projecting his voice. You were too busy playing with yourself.

“M-Michael… oh fuck, Michael…” you whine as the vibrations on your cunt were getting more and more intense. You could feel yourself practically melting what with your body trembling and the cum that’s quickly dripping onto the bed.

You throw caution to the wind and turn the setting up higher. The stronger vibration causes you to lose control of your screams.

“Ah! Oh god… oh my fucking god… ah fuck! Michael!” you scream loudly. So loudly, that Michael was able to hear it through your closed door.

He mistakes the scream as screams of deep pain. He hears more of your helpless moans and dashes to the door of your room while still calling your name.

“Are you alright, love? I’m coming in there to help you!” he exclaims.

He opens the door in a panic. However, it wasn’t the sight he expected— he sees you desecrate the living hell out of that massager. In your pleasure, you didn’t even notice him walking in on you.

Michael suddenly felt an erection growing as he watched you insert a finger into yourself while still pleasuring your clit with the wand. He wanted to run off while you were still distracted, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you wanking the everloving fuck out of yourself. He involuntarily rubbed his stiffy through the cloth of his trousers.

You start to have a weird feeling that there’s a presence in your room watching you. You pause and breathe in. In your peripheral vision, you see Michael standing there inside your room. Watching you.

You freak out, quickly turn the massager off, place it on the nightstand despite the device being covered in cum.

“Michael?! It’s not what it looks like, I—“

“Oh, it’s exactly what it looks like, love. And I want in on it.” Michael interrupts, sounding like he’s bridled with sexual frustration of his own.

You two are so caught up in the moment, that the both of you couldn’t think rationally about how this was going to be dealt with. Michael, in his pent-up libido, approaches you and clashes his lips against yours. You run your hands through his thick black hair while he tightly embraces you. Pretty soon, your tongues meet and start to taste each other.

You remove his sweater vest and then unbutton his shirt while he gropes your breasts. He then relieves you of the pulled-up shirt dress, leaving you completely naked. He gives your lips another kiss and then peppers little kisses on your neck which soon turns into sucking and biting. You didn’t care if it left love bites, you were having the time of your life.

“Michael, what are we doing?” you asked while he moved on to sucking your tits heartily.

He stopped for a bit while still squeezing your tits saying “I don’t know, but... I’ve never wanted you so bad until now. Watching you touch yourself, I…”

Before he could finish his sentence, you shut him up with a kiss because you wanted less talk and more sex. He happily gives in and directs his hand to give your bum a nice squeeze. You both release from the kiss and get a good look at each other. Michael undoes his trousers and tosses them aside to the pile of discarded clothes on the floor. He kisses you down your body and stops to admire your dripping wet cunt. His hot breath comes into contact with it, causing you to quiver extremely.

“Quit being a tease, Palin! Either put your mouth on it or don’t do anything!” you frustratingly blurt out.

At that, Michael spreads your legs further apart and begins licking and sucking on your clit. His hands are on your hips to keep you from getting too finicky. Your hands play with your breasts and you pant heavily, being driven mad by the way he eats you out so fucking well.

“Ah, right there… that’s it... mmm... fuck me good with that pretty mouth of yours…” you moan. You could also feel his voice moaning, adding a new kind of vibration against your cunt.

Michael’s mouth releases your twat. As his face moves away from it, there forms a string of his saliva combined with your cum bridging the gap between his mouth and your pussy.  He inserts his middle finger into your opening, feeling your insides with circular motions and going in and out. With the other hand, he vigorously rubs your clit with his middle finger and ring finger. This felt so much better than the massager because you could feel the warmth and texture of his fingertips.

“You’re so wet, love. Are you holding up okay?” he asked while looking up at your face.

“Michael… oh fuck…”

You could barely answer his question as you were drowning too deep in lustful euphoria. Your mouth started to water because you desperately wanted to suck his dick. Somehow, Michael sensed your desire and slowly took out his fingers, giving your twat one more kiss before you two move on.

Michael lays on the bed and closes his eyes. You crawl towards the area between his legs, ready to mess him up as best as you could. As you open your mouth, a drop of saliva lands on the tip of his erection, the sensation making Michael quiver in delight. You take in his member and vigorously move your head up and down.

“Cheeky little minx… you’re so fucking great at this… ah… ah… “ Michael whimpered.

You fiercely grip onto his thighs, digging your nails into his skin. You open your eyes to the image of Michael breathing heavily in such a helpless and vulnerable state. This makes you even more eager to make him cum out everything he was capable of releasing. You could feel his hand on the back of your head urging you to go harder.

You could hear Michael’s moans get louder and heavier, meaning he was close. Your tongue and the insides of your cheeks could feel his cock twitch.

“Oh fucking hell! Shit… oh… oh god!”

The hot viscous liquid fills your mouth and you struggle to swallow everything in one go. Taking his cock out of your mouth, there are still bits of semen on your lips which you promptly lick off.

“Come here. Let me take a good look at you.” Michael says while beckoning you with his finger.

You get on top of his body and went ahead giving him the puppy eyes. His hand gently brushed your hair behind your ear so he could get a better look at your face. He kisses your forehead, your cheek, and your lips. You enveloped each other in a loving embrace.

“You ready, love?” he asks you. He feels your head nod against his shoulder. He kisses your neck one more time before he swoops you and pins you down on the bed.

His member slowly enters you, making both of you whimper in the process. Michael’s hands intertwine with yours as you look intensely into each other’s eyes. You feel his grip on your hands get tighter, feeling his fingers dig deeper into your skin. Every thrust he gives to your body leaves you gasping for more.

“Harder, Michael, harder…” you moan hopelessly.

Per your request, he goes into you more powerfully. He relinquishes his grip on your hands to hold onto your shoulders to better control his movements inside you. You get your hands on his back and clutch onto it by digging your fingernails in. That’ll surely leave some pretty red scratch marks once all of this is done. You then wrap your legs around his waist as his thrusts grow more intense with each passing minute.

A barrage of sensations were hitting the both of you. Skin against skin, the trembling, the smell of sex-fueled perspiration. You felt Michael’s tongue on you but you weren’t exactly sure where. Your moans were echoing throughout the whole room and so were his.

“Kiss me, Michael...kiss me…” you wince breathily. Michael immediately plants his lips on yours and leaves sloppy wet kisses all over your face. How could he resist?

You both feel lightheaded and ready to release. Everything was turning into a blurry vision, with Michael looking like the only thing you could see clearly. You feel it coming. He feels it coming. You shut your eyes tightly and grab onto Michael for dear life.

“Fuck! Oh my fucking god…” you hear Michael yell out, filling your insides with his cum. You soon came after, feeling the hot liquids mix together inside your body.

You pant heavily, your grip on Michael slipping off because of exhaustion. He takes his member out of you and lets his body fall beside you on the bed. He turns to his side to face you, a hyperventilating horny mess. His hand makes its way to the side of your torso and slightly pushes you towards him, closing the gap between you two.

“I have to say, I wasn’t quite expecting this when I came home.”

“It’s not like I was expecting it either. We couldn’t help ourselves. Giving in was our only choice. Besides, you walked in on me.” you responded shyly.

“I thought you were in pain, love. I couldn’t have known better. Oh, and really? How long have you wanted this, then?” he asks in a cheeky tone.

“Don’t get cheeky with me, Palin; or I’ll stick that where the sun don’t shine.” you say, pointing at the massager you had used earlier.

Michael just laughed it off and proceeded to give your neck another smooch. You couldn’t help but tingle at how gently and lovingly he kissed any part of you.

“If only you had known how much I’ve wanted to touch you all these years.” he said in between kisses.

“We were probably too shy to initiate anything or maybe I could’ve been too dense. I never realized how much you’ve wanted me this way. How much I’ve wanted you this way.”

“I might’ve been a little dense as well. Either way, I’m quite glad we got here.”

“Really? You’re not feeling the least bit of regret from shagging your flatmate?”

“I’ve been longing to make love to you for the longest time. You have no idea about the relief this has brought me.”

“You really are cursed with sweetness, aren’t you, Mike?” you giggle.

Michael smiles sweetly at you and you just go on snogging each other until you two slowly drift off into dreamland.

 

* * *

 

You wake up from the warmth of the morning sunshine. Your eyes slowly open to the sight of Michael gazing at you like nothing or no one else matters. He was content just looking at the beautiful creature next to him in bed.

“Morning, gorgeous. Sleep well last night?” the real Michael says to you, grinning bashfully and looking at you longingly with those dark brown eyes of his while snuggled up with you in the sheets.

Your fantasy had finally come true: the man you love waking up next to you for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter’s been a long time coming! I know it’s a little less kinky than the first chapter, but the smuttiness is still there. I made an attempt to write this in the second person perspective and I think it’s a decent output. Chapter 3 is almost done so stay tuned for it!
> 
> (Also, thank you for the many hits and the kind kudos!)


	3. Return To Castle Anthrax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow surviving being flung into the pit beneath bridge of death, Sir Galahad makes his return to Castle Anthrax with the intention of picking up where he left off— staying for an evening of spanking and oral sex. A scullery maid by the name of Noodle began working in Castle Anthrax just a few days after Sir Galahad’s short encounter in the castle. Upon his secret arrival in the castle’s back lawn, he is hit by the feisty maiden with a plunger while hiding in a shrubbery. It doesn’t take long for the maiden to become suddenly smitten for the so-called “pure knight”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Specific Palin era: Sir Galahad (Monty Python & The Holy Grail)  
> \- The reader’s Castle Anthrax name here is Noodle, since it’s assumed that all of the maidens of the castle have silly names. Also because I’m a fan of Gorillaz.

My tri-weekly hell has finally come— the so-called great wash. I honestly don’t see what’s so great about it when I’m the only scullery maid in all of Castle Anthrax who has to do it along with my usual daily chores. Those girls just like to get real dirty and I need to try my best to make sure their not-so-virgin white clothes stay virgin white. Better not complain too much though, or else Dingo will give me such a tongue lashing like last time. 

I carried one of the wooden laundry baskets filled to the brim with the first batch of the maidens’ clothing and underwear outside the back lawn of the castle for the pre-wash. The smell was a mix of sweaty and musky (probably from all the sex they’ve been having with each other) and I couldn’t wait to wash all of those odors away. Luckily for me, the weather was in my favour. The sun was out, the breeze was cool, and there were hardly any mosquitoes in sight. I guess doing today’s rounds won’t be so bad after all. Then again, I’ll be washing things that have been unwashed for weeks, praying I won’t end up with an infection or disease. 

“You’ve done this hundreds of times, Noodle. Surely this time won’t kill you.” I sighed to myself. 

I walked my way back inside to bring the next batch of laundry outside, when I suddenly heard a rustling noise. I paid it no mind though, because I wanted to get this pre-wash done as soon as possible. I dragged two baskets at a time now because I was not about to increase my number of back-and-forth trips. Thank goodness I had all the laundry I needed to wash by my third trip. I planted my butt on the grass and began loading the water-filled dolly tubs with clothes, linens, whatever needed to be washed. Then there it was again— that rustling sound. 

I don’t know about you, but Castle Anthrax is not really home to animal friends. Especially (and thankfully) not the deadly bunny rabbit. I think our security measures against peeping toms are pretty effective, so I don’t know how anyone managed to get past the guards. But hold up, I just realized that the back lawn doesn’t have anybody guarding it. That figures. I can just hurl one of the baskets at them or beat them with the dolly plunger. I can strike the dirt not just out of the clothes, but out of Castle Anthrax too. 

I approach the rustling shrubbery and hit it with my dolly plunger. The rustling stops. A brief silent pause occurs until…

“Bloody shit!” a male voice yelled out in agony. 

“You’ll be having bloody shit by the time I’m finished with you, creep. Show yourself!” I retorted. 

Out of the bushes comes a knight in chainmail armor complete with helmet, chainmail shirt, and a surcoat bearing a red budded cross. First time I’ve seen a peeping tom knight since I started here. I point the wooden stick of my plunger against his chest to assert my power. 

“State your purpose, Sir Knight. Have you come to raid our castle and take our women?” I state threateningly. 

“I-I-I…” he stammered.

“Don’t make me use this, Sir Knight. Answer me.” I asserted. 

“I’ve no intention of raiding Castle Anthrax, my lady. I’ve just come here for shelter and perhaps a nice bath?”

“Still sounds a little too perverted for me. How do I know that you’re not going to be a threat?”

“Well, please allow me to introduce myself properly.”

I take my plunger aside to allow this shady knight to explain himself. He bows his head down to properly remove his helmet. 

Removing his helmet revealed a very handsome man— brunet hair just above his neckline, lovely brown eyes, and dare I say it...kissable lips. Possibly aged between 27 to 32. 

“Sir Galahad The Pure of Camelot. A knight of King Arthur’s Round Table. And who may you be, fair one?”

“Noodle, scullery maid of Castle Anthrax.” I replied.

“Pleasure meeting you, Lady Noodle.”

Very polite and even addressed me as a lady even though I’m but a mere scullery maid. He could be Prince Charming if he wanted to be, but I’m not getting easily swayed by good looks and charisma. 

“I’m still suspicious of you, Sir Galahad. I’ve no choice but to bring you to my leader, Dingo.”

“Oh, yes please!”

“You seem a little too excited to see my leader. In spite of the fact that you're going to get the punishment that peeping toms get. Whatever that may be.”

“You mean, you don’t know how I’ll punished?” he asked, puzzled. 

“I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’m not one of the higher-ups here in Castle Anthrax.” I snarked. 

“Well, I’m not one to assume, Lady Noodle. Clothing isn’t much of a basis for judgement, is it?” he said. 

“Noble words, but you’re still coming with me. Also, no need to address me as a lady. Hopefully I can find either Dingo or Zoot, otherwise they’re probably participating in the grand castle orgy.”

“C-Castle orgy…?” he uttered, with a mix of shock and fascination. 

“It’s just a regular activity where the maidens have sex with each other. Might include a pillow fight or tickle fight or something. Or so I’ve heard from the sounds coming from the orgy room.”

“Well, please be so kind to take me to Dingo or Zoot. I want to make up for being a nuisance anyway I can.” he insisted. 

I let out a sigh and led the way to the inside. He seemed way too eager to face Dingo, whom I know can be a bit of a disciplinarian. Zoot, on the other hand, was a little more lenient and mischievous. 

“Tell me, Sir Galahad, have you been to our castle before?” I questioned him. 

“Actually, yes. I was a visitor here about a year ago. I thought that your castle housed the Holy Grail, but it turns out it was just a grail-shaped beacon. While it was clear that what I was seeking for is not here, I still have some unfinished business with the maidens.” he answered. 

“You’re not going to slay them, are you?” 

“Goodness, no! What gave you that idea?” he replied in a panic. 

“I mean, you were fooled into thinking the Holy Grail was here. Don’t you harbour any ill-will?” 

“Not at all. They were very apologetic and hospitable. I just wanted to return the favour.”

“If you say so, Sir Galahad.” I remarked, in case he was still bluffing. 

“So, Miss Noodle, what do you do around here?”

“Your usual household chores. Cooking, cleaning, organising. I also do the great wash every three weeks. By myself.”

“All by yourself? The great wash should be at least a four person job!” he commented. 

“Tell that to whoever’s in-charge of job dissemination around here. I’ve only been here for roughly a year. Besides, I’m the youngest scullery maid, therefore, the lowest out of everyone in this castle. It’s not like I have a choice.”

I noticed a melancholic look on his face, signifying that he felt bad about my job position. His concern is very much appreciated, even though I just met him. I, however, still had to maintain a stiff upper lip. 

“You need not pity me, Sir Galahad. If it makes you feel any better, the maidens show their appreciation for my diligence with the laundry.” I spoke, giving him a reassuring smile. What he didn’t know was that I was rewarded with intercourse sessions with some of the maidens. Not a bad compensation, I must say. 

Visible relief showed on his face. I’ll admit, I found myself blushing a little bit. 

I noticed that the castle corridors were so empty that you could hear a pin drop. There’s only one explanation for that: castle orgy. I begrudgingly approach the door, hearing high-pitched moans and other miscellaneous sexual noises. I noticed that Galahad was getting hot and bothered by the sounds coming from the inside and stands aside to catch his breath. To be fair, I was getting a little aroused as well, but I won’t get any fucking until the laundry’s completely finished. I hesitate. 

“You know what, maybe we should come back later. They sound a little too busy.” I insisted. 

“Oh, I don’t see the harm in trying.” he said, ready to knock on the door. Or knock it down, who knows. I pulled him back. 

“I don’t know if you want to see what’s inside there, Sir Galahad. It might overwhelm you.” I whispered. 

“Oh, you sound like an old friend of mine who said I couldn’t handle a little bit of peril. Nothing could possibly compromise my chastity.”

“Look, can we just cut the nonsense and please let me handle the door?” I asked, tiring of his dangerous curiosity. 

He stands aside and just nods at me sheepishly. As I was about to knock on the door, it opened before my knuckles even made contact with the wood. There stood a vision I only got to see once in a while: a completely naked Dingo. 

“Noodle, what’s all this commotion about? I could hear you yelling from inside. This better be important because we were just about to begin the pillow fight.”

“I-I u-um…well Dingo, y-you see…” I stuttered, intimidated by her womanly figure. 

“Get your words out properly, Noodle.” she said, placing her hand on my shoulder. 

“Dingo, we apparently have a surprise visitor here in the castle.”

“A visitor? I would’ve been informed by the guards if there was a visitor.” she reacted, seeming confused about the situation. 

“Funny story about that… he snuck in through the back lawn. I caught him while I was doing the laundry.”

I glance at Galahad, looking like he’s holding in his breath with his eyes tightly shut. I was confused, yet found it a little endearing seeing him hunched like that. Dingo notices me looking towards him and proceeds to see who I’m peering at. Her eyes filled with surprise. 

“Sir Galahad?” she exclaimed. 

Galahad opens his eyes at the sound of his name. He takes one second to look at me and then the sight of the unclad Dingo behind me finally catches his eye. Before he could greet Dingo or have her greet him, his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fell to the floor with a loud thud. Sweet merciful god, he’s fainted. I’m pretty sure this knight has seen blood and guts spilled but can’t even handle lady parts? Someone’s been repressed for way too long. 

“Oh, dear. That’s gonna leave a mark.” I said to his unconscious body.

“Noodle, darling, please take care of Sir Galahad while me and the ladies finish up, will you? Ah, and we’ll also prepare some things for him since we’ve been anticipating his return for quite a while now.”

“Yes, Dingo.”

So Galahad was right all along. Like I’d know. I wasn’t even around when he visited, so my suspicion was justified. Nevertheless, I was going to have to nurse him back to consciousness. As I was ready to drag his body, I noticed that he had a bloody nose. Hot and bothered, indeed. I take his body to the back lawn and lay him on the grass so that I could keep an eye on him but still be able to do the laundry, seeing as how my pre-wash was interrupted by his arrival. He’ll come back around. God, I hope he’ll come back around.

 

* * *

 

The breezy morning had become a breezy afternoon. I was finally finished with my pre-wash, meaning I could finally move on to the 24-hour soaking period. Sure, it meant having to haul the water-filled tubs into the makeshift laundry room, but at least I didn’t need to apply any muscle work thereafter. Besides, it was already lunchtime and I couldn’t wait to have a mutton-lettuce-tomato sandwich. My mouth waters just thinking about how the mutton’s going to be nice and lean. But wait, I still had an unconscious knight on my hands. Well, time to try and wake him up.

“Hey. Sir Galahad, wake up. The grass is nice and all, but it’s time to sit up and stretch. Come on now.” I said to him, hunching over to gently pat his cheek. 

“Come on, Galahad. I don’t want to have to use mouth-to-mouth on you no matter how handsome you are.” I sighed, beginning to gently shake his body. 

I sat on top of his legs to try and shake him by the shoulders. He’s a little bulky, so I need to get a grip on his body with my legs for better balance. Get your mind out of the gutter. 

I grabbed hold of his shoulders and began shaking him vigorously. He doesn’t seem quite dead, so I know he’s going to have to regain consciousness sooner or later. 

“Wakey-wakey! I can’t shake you by your heavy shoulders all day, you know.”

My arms were getting sore and my body was giving out since I was scrubbing all day. I couldn’t handle the heaviness anymore, so I just fell on top of him for a bit of a rest and to catch my breath. Hm, that’s funny. He felt so warm that I could easily take a nap on him. But I mustn’t. 

“A-ah!”

Oh, he’s up. And he seems to be in shock…? I look up to see his face blushing a deep red while he looks at me eyes widened lying on top of him. Also, I could’ve sworn I felt a bump coming from him on my thigh.

“What happened to me, Miss Noodle? Have I died? Have we died? Is this some sort of coma fantasy?” he questioned. 

“Settle down. I was just trying to shake you awake and decided to take a little rest.”

“On top of me?!” 

“Your shoulders are bulky. My legs had to grip onto something while shaking your shoulders. It's no big deal.”

He was so confused and overwhelmed, that he stood up and ran screaming. And... ran into a tree. Yep, his vow of purity probably made him both pent-up and clumsy. Here I was watching this whole ordeal while toppled down on the grass since he basically launched me off of him when he got up. I got my ass off the grass and walked towards Galahad’s body. Thank god it didn’t knock him out. 

“Come on, klutz, let’s get something to eat while we wait for Dingo and the girls.” I said, reaching my hand out to him. 

“Sounds good, Miss Noodle.” he sighed. 

We shared a nice lunch together and spent it talking about his adventures with his fellow knights in finding the Holy Grail. Oh, and for some reason, the airspeed velocity of sparrows. Apparently, his king couldn’t shut up about it. 

“It’s been a while since I’ve had a proper meal. All we ate during the quest were forest animals and minstrel meat.”

“Minstrel… meat?”

“It’s a weird story.”

“Well, your quest in itself is already a weird story, so I think I’m good. I just want to know how on Earth you got your favourite colour wrong.” I laughed. 

“Oh, bugger. Let it go. I’m still here now, aren’t I?”

“You may be chaste, but that doesn’t exactly mean you’re wise.” I giggled. 

“But I managed to escape the pit! Isn’t that impressive enough?”

“I suppose so. I just wonder what happened to your fellow knights and your king.”

“I do miss the lot of them, but it’s time to go on living. Time for a fresh start.”

“Though I’m surprised you managed to survive the consequences of your stupidity, I admire your resilience, Sir Galahad.” I smiled at him. 

He gave me a pleasant grin back. I honestly think I’m going to like having him around here. 

 

* * *

 

“Ladies, please welcome back to our castle: Sir Galahad of Camelot!” Dingo proudly announced as the knight made his entrance into the grand dining room with two maidens escorting him. 

The maidens clap loudly and stare at him intently. My god, it’s as if he was a human sacrifice in some kind of hedonistic ritual. At least, that was how the atmosphere felt, though I knew for sure they were going to be eating him in some sort of way, I can tell you that. 

Here I was, standing near the wall with my fellow scullery maids, ready to serve food and assist with the banquet. It felt a little weird wearing my “formal” uniform since Sir Galahad spent his time with me in my hustle-and-bustle raggedy uniform earlier. He glanced over to me as he walked to his place at the table and gave me a little wink. I flash an embarrassed but flattered smile and a slight eye roll at him. 

Galahad finally made it to his seat, sitting between Dingo and Zoot. Dingo put her hands on his shoulders and looked at him proudly. 

“We’re so glad you’re back, our missing prince. We’ve missed you terribly. I do believe you still owe us something, but we’ll deal with that after the feast.” she said to him in a slightly flirty manner. 

I let out an uneasy sigh seeing how clingy the twins were with Galahad and how he suddenly adopted this flirty aura with the ladies. Just a few hours ago, this idiot ran into a tree when he saw that I was on top of him. Strange confidence boost much? Must be easier when the girls are drooling over you. Anything that’ll get him laid, I guess. 

I must have stood for hours because I was beginning to grow drowsy from boredom. The conversation was basically just the girls dropping innuendos and double entendres about sleeping with Galahad. Honestly, it was starting to get annoying at this point. Ugh, and Galahad making that flirty face all throughout… actually, he’s kind of cute making that face. Yep, this night’s getting pretty slow, but somehow he was still looking good to me. 

A few more minutes pass before Dingo stands from her seat and claps her hands three times to get everyone’s attention.

“Everyone, it’s time for the next part of Galahad’s return celebration! Please proceed to the pleasure room.”

Galahad’s eyes lit up hearing those words leave her lips. He practically bolted out of his seat. Pervert. 

When everybody left the banquet hall, the maids and I began cleaning up. I could overhear my fellow maids talking about how attractive Galahad was. 

“It’s finally nice to have a man around the castle. Especially someone who’s as dreamy as Sir Galahad.” Gardyloo squealed. 

“Too bad the higher-up girls might be the only ones who get to have him. They probably won’t let him participate in our weekly orgy rewards ‘cause we’re only scullery maids unworthy of what I assume is his magnificent cock.” Doozy lamented. 

“Well, that’s not fair. We girls work hard every single day to keep this castle running while they just galavant about. Pardon me, but I want some mighty knight knob too.” Gubbins said. “What do you think, Noodle?” she asked me. 

“I couldn’t care less. I only care about finishing my laundry at this point. Besides, Doozy’s right. Dingo, Zoot, and the higher-up girls will probably be the only ones who’ll get to fuck him. That doesn’t bother me.” I was obviously lying to myself. No one wanted to fuck Galahad more than I did, but I wasn’t about to admit that out loud. 

“Oh, Noodle, you say that now but when you get him alone, you’ll be up on him. Don’t think I didn’t notice the way you looked at him tonight.” Gardyloo said to me slyly. 

“That may be so, but having sex with him is the last thing on my mind.” I kept lying. 

“Suit yourself, Noodle. More action for us, then.” she answered. 

I sighed defeatedly and just proceeded to the kitchen to wash the dishes. I’ll do anything to keep my mind off of Galahad. No matter how mundane the task may be. However, it didn’t help that the castle walls were paper thin. Every moan, every spank, every giggle, and every movement in the pleasure room upstairs can be heard from here. Nothing new, I’ve heard those echoes everyday. But knowing that they were enjoying Galahad’s body made the green-eyed monster in me growl. 

“You want that privilege too. You want the chance have sex with him. It’s only fair, right? You were the one who found him after all. If it weren’t for you, they wouldn’t be having their fun right now.” the monster’s voice in my head hissed. 

Jealousy is quite the horny bitch, aren't they?

 

* * *

 

I reluctantly prepare breakfast with the maids. Gubbins glances at my bitter face as I’m stirring the pot of oatmeal. Being the caring and responsible head maid she is, she voices her concern upon noticing my disinclination. 

“Everything alright, Noodle? Did something go wrong with the laundry or is something on your mind that’s not so good?”

“The laundry’s just fine, just a few more hours until the lye soak. It’s just that the girls upstairs kept me up all night, Gubbins. I couldn’t get a decent sleep at all.”

“My, my. That’s the first time you’ve complained about that since you began working here. You’re not usually this upset.” Gubbins remarked.

“I guess last night just wasn’t cutting it for me. My nerves are probably fooling me.” I said. 

“Well, if something’s wrong or if you need any help, do know that I’m here.” she assured me. She then gave me a gentle pat on the back. 

I smile at her, but inside, I still feel like rubbish. Look, it’s not like I have the confidence to ask Galahad for a shag. Dingo, Zoot, and the other girls are way better at that. But my god, I wanted him so bad, it was driving me nuts. 

I think I know enough about him to want to get to know him better so it wouldn’t just be hollow, empty, meaningless sex. Nobody’s ever made me feel like this before. 

I may be wrong, but I think I have an actual real crush on Sir Galahad. I have an actual real crush on a perverted idiot who managed to get his favourite colour wrong. 

Lord, help me. 

I transfer the oatmeal into the serving pot and add to it liberal amounts of honey. I exit the kitchen carrying the oatmeal with my fellow maids carrying the other food. The banquet hall is already occupied by the girls and Sir Galahad, who all seem to look bashful today and making sheepish attempts to hide their love bites. Don’t think I wouldn’t know. 

Today, the knight wore a short dark beige tunic with a belt, a pair of coffee-coloured trousers, and brown boots. His surcoat was stained with mud and dirt, so he must’ve asked for clothes. I wonder how he was able to get those, though. Someone probably had to go buy it for him since chain mail would be pretty daunting to wear right now. 

My eyes met with Galahad’s like they did last night. However, I decided to keep my stuff upper lip and become cold as ice, not showing the slightest bit of amusement. I’m not exactly in the mood to look at him right now knowing that he had shagged the majority of the room and probably will again later tonight. My green-eyed monster was roaring at this point, so I just turned away from him immediately like his gaze wouldn’t affect me. I try to find a spot to place my oatmeal pot as far away from him as possible, but alas, the other maids placed the rest of the breakfast foods on the farther side. The universe thinks that I have to be near him, whether I like it or not. 

 

From my peripheral vision, I see Galahad eyeing me intently. Still making a subtle grumpy face, I place the oatmeal on the table and do my little maid curtsy. Dingo smiles and thanks me. I nod and make my way back to the kitchen. As I walked briskly, I look back for a brief moment and see the knight looking a little downcast. Did he want me to acknowledge him? Was he feeling any guilt or shame? I couldn’t figure it out. Then again, I was visibly upset with him, so I’ll let him grovel all he wants. Not that it will do him or me any good. 

 

* * *

 

The afternoon had finally come around. It’s been 24 hours since the primary soak, meaning it was finally time for the 15-hour lye soak. Anything to get this godforsaken great wash over with. I went into the makeshift laundry room to transfer the linens and clothing into the tubs meant for the lye soak. The smell of the lye was dreadful, but it got the job done. 

I heard footsteps coming inside the laundry room, but paid little attention since adding and heating up the lye was a tedious process. However, I still had to acknowledge whomever had come into the room out of respect. 

“Who is it?” I asked.

“It’s...me...Sir Galahad.” a voice responded. 

“Can’t it wait? I’m a little busy. How’d you even know I was in here?”

“I got a tip-off from one of the maids. Gardyloo was it?”

“That prying little skank…” I mumbled under my breath.

“Miss Noodle, I really need to talk to you. There’s been some sort of rift between us and I want to know what it is.” he expressed. 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” I said, standing up from my place near the tub and quickly walking out of the laundry room to get him out of my sight. 

“What do you mean? You’ve been avoiding me since this morning! Did I do something wrong?” he asked, following my scurry. 

“Sir Galahad The Pure and Chaste doing something wrong? Oh, could you imagine!” I scoffed while opening a random door in the castle to try and hide away in. The relentless knight followed suit, though. 

“If this is about me and the girls last night—“

“You’re so good at resisting temptation, eh? I thought your chastity wouldn’t be compromised, O great Sir Galahad.” I groaned sarcastically. 

“My chastity was not compromised. The purity in my heart is still intact but my body just experienced…sinful euphoria.”

I had realized what true lewdness this so-called pure knight possessed. 

“Big words coming from a knight who dubs himself as ‘The Pure’, eh? Some chaste knight you are.” I commented. 

“Well, you’re not as innocent as you made yourself out to be, Miss Noodle.”

“I never made myself out to be innocent! Nobody in Castle Anthrax is innocent! Did you really think the maidens were virgins just because they wore white? Did it not occur to you on your first visit that these ladies may have had sex with other men or with each other?”

“Zoot told me they were virgins…”

“Zoot’s a rotten liar, she is! She was trying to seduce you. They all were! That’s how fucking horny we all are! It’s probably because we haven’t encountered a knob in a long time! We’re not picky with genitalia, clearly!” I yelled out, arms crossed while trying to look away from him. 

“This isn’t about my chastity being compromised, is it, Miss Noodle?”

“Stop calling me Miss Noodle, will you? It does things to me.”

“Oh, now I really know that this isn’t about my chastity being compromised.”

“Get cheeky with me and I’ll shove that plunger up your arse like I should have yesterday.” I threatened. 

At this point, he was attempting to make the gap between us disappear. Before I knew it, he had cornered me against the wall. I was slowly becoming more and more aroused, but I wasn’t ready to give in to his flirtation just yet. He needed to make me want him. He had to make sure I had no choice but to surrender to his charms. 

“Could it be... that you were jealous of the girls for having me last night?” he questioned me seductively. 

“You can’t prove anything.”

“Wanna bet?” 

Galahad grabs my wrists and pins me against the wall. My hands are clenched into fists at an attempt to avoid melting into him. That was definitely going as well as I thought. 

His face drew nearer to mine, and so did his hot breath against my skin. My heart thumped so hard that it could easily burst out of my chest at any second. I felt a surge of electricity go through me as I feasted upon the sight of him exhibiting his libido to me. I was biting my lip so much that blood would seep out if I sank my teeth in any more. 

Galahad’s piercing gaze turns me into a lustful mess who was ready to drop to her knees. The sexual frustration was practically oozing. He pressed his lips hungrily against mine, wanting to taste every bit of my lips and my tongue. His hands release my wrists and I feel them going up to grip tightly on my hands, still being pushed against the wall. Our fingers tightly intertwine, tensing up as our kisses became deeper and deeper. 

He gave my neck sloppy sucks and kisses. Our hands let go, allowing mine to trail to his buttocks. I tightly squeeze his ass and pinch a few bits of it. Galahad’s hands made its way to my hips, hiking up my dress and chemise to rub my thighs. His right hand slowly goes up to stroke my inner thigh, making it dangerously close to my womanhood.

Our lips part as he lifts up both the dress and chemise to reveal my naked body. He looked me up and down in awe. 

“Your body is much more beautiful than I could’ve ever imagined.”

“I appreciate your flattery, but it’s not really anything special.” 

“Noodle darling, it’s not flattery if it’s the truth. And the truth of the matter is… is that I want you.” he said. 

“As much as I hate to say it… I want you too, Sir Galahad.” I declared. 

I proceeded to strip him of every article of clothing he wore. His body was all mine for the taking. I could have torn off his clothes if I wanted to; however, he was short on clothes already, so maybe it was best that I didn’t.

I wasn’t sure what it was, but I pounced on Galahad like a lion with its prey. His eyes widened, but that expression became a smirk soon after. Again— pure and chaste, my ass. I pinned him down on the floor, ready to claim his body. 

“Well, this is a familiar position. I promise not to run away and bump into a tree this time.” he laughed. 

I started grinding my body on his, feeling his skin before I helped myself to how he tasted. I could feel Galahad breathing heavily with his chest against my breasts. I trail kisses all over his body, making sure my lips don’t miss anything.

My mouth found its way to his left nipple and my tongue began flicking it gently. I heard a small whimper from the knight. Deciding to take a step further, I lightly bite the other nipple and look up at his face with a smirk. 

“Ah...fuck...right there…” I hear him moan. 

My hand goes down his chest to his stomach and then...hello, what do we have here? I gently rub his cock with my fingertips before letting my hand wrap it and stroke it up and down. I continue to kiss his neck and chest, growing more and more amused at his goosebumps. 

Hand still on his member, I move the rest of my body to face his crotch and do what I please. I licked my lips thusly and lapped the tip. Galahad’s body temperature was rising and every part of him was blushing red. 

“You’re all mine.” I say to him before my mouth completely takes his cock. 

My head dips up and down, feeling the shape of his member with my tongue. Galahad places his hand on my head and messes up my hair, lightly pulling it and tousling it. I briefly look up to see Galahad heaving, perspiring excessively, and his fists clenching to the point of his veins showing. 

“Oh god...oh fucking shit…” he moans under his breath. 

I could taste the precum and sensed that he was close to the edge. However, being the needy greedy girl I was, I took his prick out of my mouth and decided that I wanted to be taken care of this time. 

“Touch me.” I say to him as I crawl back up nearer to his face. 

Without the slightest bit of hesitation, Galahad rolls us over so that he could be on top. He begins to kiss me again. I embrace him tightly, losing myself to his warmth. He breaks away from my lips and proceeds to massage my breasts. His thumbs gently rub my nipples, causing them to stick out and grow stiff. My goosebumps increased exponentially. 

Already excited to taste me, his tongue slithers eagerly from my neck down to my chest until it reaches my right breast. The moment the tip of his tongue touched my nipple, I could feel the fluid trickle down my inner thighs. 

“Oh, Sir Galahad...don’t stop…”

“I surely won’t if you keep saying my name like that.”

“How come when I’m around you, I’m an absolute mess?”

“Whatever you feel between your legs next will give you the answer, darling.”

Galahad’s tongue grazed on my body again. I was fully aware of what he was going to do to my womanhood, but I still felt the tension. As soon as the tip of his tongue made the slightest bit of contact with the sensitive bud, I lost any trace of rationality I had left. 

“Shit, Galahad...fuck…ah…” I moan.

I find myself pulling on his hair as this whole ordeal happens. I was sweating, I was tense, I was hyperventilating. And I was enjoying every second of it. This was significantly better than those late nights alone with my fingers. The knight seemed to be enjoying himself a lot eating me out. 

“You like that, Miss Noodle?” he asked, stopping just when I was enjoying it the most.

“So help me God, if you don’t put your mouth back there, Galahad—“

Before I could finish scolding him, he inserted two fingers into my entrance while his tongue was licking my clit. 

“Fucking hell...how’d you learn to be so good at that?” I screamed. 

All self-control between the both of us was thrown out the window. I was a trembling wanton disaster while Galahad was showing off his infidelity to his own title with each passing second. I could feel myself heating up to unbearable temperatures, so I had to move my body away from his mouth and his fingers before the hypersensitivity could kick in. We were far from finished. 

I gave Galahad a look that he immediately understood. He moved closer to my face and began kissing me again. I could taste myself on his lips. 

“God, you’re so beautiful.”

“You’re not too bad yourself, handsome. Now shut up and make a bigger mess out of me.”

I got on all-fours and anticipated what was to come. Not a minute passes by and his manhood was grazing the soaking wet slit. I feel his hands on my hips and my body shivers as he slowly enters me. My excited moans have me gasping for air every ten seconds. 

He feels so good inside me. The way his manhood perfectly hits the sweet spot is unlike any kind of intercourse I’ve experienced before. Then again, I’ve only made it with ladies, so a man’s touch is really something I hadn’t felt before anyway. I feel Galahad’s hands on my waist pushing me closer to him and putting us in a position where I sit on his lap. My back was touching his chest and his tongue was tasting my neck. 

“God, you feel so fucking good. I want you all to myself.” he whispered to me. 

“Glad you finally understand how I feel about you, then.”

I grab ahold of his hands, holding onto them tightly. The sensation between my legs was feeling far too good for me handle any longer. I signal to Galahad that I could release any minute now. I sensed that he could be releasing anytime soon as well. 

Mutually understanding each other’s climaxes, he thrusts quicker and harder into me. The sounds of hyperventilating, moaning, and swearing echoed throughout the room.

“F-fuck...fuck...fuck!”

We shivered violently as our juices were ready to spill into each other. Galahad quickly pulled his manhood out of me and I gripped it with my hand to finish what had to be done. He stretched over to reach my clit to finish me off as well. Such a noble knight. 

I stroked up and down as he was drawing fast circles with his fingers. It took only a few moments to get me overflowing; I was done for. As much as I wanted to collapse to the floor, I persevered with rubbing Galahad’s cock. Before I could inflict anymore friction, he ejaculated right into my hand and some of it ended up on my face. 

“Naughty knight…” I uttered breathlessly to him as I relinquished his manhood and fell onto the floor. 

Galahad followed soon after, looking exhausted yet relieved. He held my hand as we both struggled to catch our breath. 

“You’re as bad as me, fair maiden.” he teased. 

“Shut up and kiss me again, dummy.”

Galahad went closer and planted a sloppy satisfying kiss on my lips. I could feel the heat between us radiating, as we were both blushing immensely. 

Suddenly, I heard a creak from the door. Oh god, please no. I don’t know what I’ll do being caught in this compromising position with Galahad. Will I get in trouble? Will I lose my job? Please have mercy on me, whoever you are. 

“Well, you two seem to have had a lot of fun back there!” I heard a familiar voice saying. Followed by some snickering. 

Much to my chagrin, Dingo and the girls were listening to us fucking the whole time. 

“You really need to find a more private place if you don’t want us to catch you, you know.” Zoot quipped.

“Go easy on her, Zoot, it was obviously a spur of the moment thing! I’m all for it! Noodle, it was about high time you got some action of your own and we’re happy Sir Galahad was your choice!” Dingo merrily said. 

“I honestly don’t know how to feel just now.” I said, bewildered. Even the look on Galahad’s face was one of absolute confusion.

The situation couldn’t get any worse what with the sea of eyes staring at our sweaty naked bodies. I awkwardly covered my breasts and closed my legs tightly despite the fact that these girls have seen me naked countless times. 

“No use of covering up, Noodle. We saw everything. But good news— you may join the grand orgy anytime and not just at the end of every week anymore!”

“But...why?” I asked, dumbfounded. 

“Because we admired your stamina back there.” she smiled. “But please clean up soon, it’s almost supper time!”

Dingo, Zoot, and the other maidens left the room, leaving me and Galahad alone. 

“Well, guess I’ll be seeing you more often now that I’m joining more of the grand orgies, huh?” I said to Galahad. 

“Indeed you will. But you’ll probably grow jealous of other hands fondling me.” he replied. 

“Oh, don’t be too sure. Those hands have fondled me a fair share too.” I told him. “...is your nose bleeding again?”

“My imagination is running away again with those images…”

“Oh, behave, so-called pure knight. I can only imagine how much you’ve bottled up these urges.” I answered as I was putting my clothes on. 

I look at the flustered knight as he struggles to put his trousers back on. I must have done a good job, then. Looking at him like this still raises the thought that I want him all to myself. However, I’m not one to take away great ass from anyone. Especially not from wanton women like Dingo, Zoot, and the rest of the girls. It wouldn’t hurt to have him alone once in a while, though. 

“Hey, um...do you think we could do this again?” I asked him shyly. 

“It would be my pleasure.” he replied, giving me a gentle smile. 

I give him one last glance and a grin before I ran back to the laundry room to check on the clothes. I hope to God nothing has happened to them. Ugh, the one time I slack off has me worked up. I have to admit, though; it was totally worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who decided to update at the turn of the new decade! So much got in the way of finishing this next chapter what with dealing with uni and the anxiety-inducing news regarding Sir Michael's literal heart. I didn't feel like writing until I knew that he was going to be alright. Lo and behold, he's doing better than ever! And so am I. 2019 wasn't the easiest year for me and I'm sure it wasn't for you either, dear reader. But hey, I'm glad you're here! You made it to the next decade!
> 
> All of this aside, thank you for being patient with me with this next chapter. A select few have been asking me when this was going to come out and I couldn't give them a certain answer. Good thing the prospect of a better year finally kicked me in the knickers and let me finish this chapter.
> 
> Have a great and prosperous New Year!


	4. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You accidentally summon The Spanish Inquisition after arguing with your friend about produce and now you have to pay the price for being wrongly accused of heresy. Cardinal Ximenez decides to deal with you himself (since Biggles and Fang are horribly incompetent at punishments) by seducing a confession out of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Specific Palin era: Flying Circus Series 2 (1970) as Cardinal Ximenez
> 
> (DISCLAIMER: This is pretty much a crack fic because this leans more into weird and absurd rather than the usual tender, romantic, and slightly angsty mood that I have when it comes to my Mike fics. This specifically appeals to the Brat/Brat Tamer fetish, if you're into that sort of thing. The smut is still there, yes, but don’t expect any fluff or seriousness. Let’s face it though, we’ve all thought about fucking Cardinal Ximenez at one point or another.)

“I really don’t understand why I’m here.” you say to the three men dressed in red. “All I said was that I wasn’t expecting some sort of Spanish Inquisition  **from my friend** just because she can’t accept the fact that tomatoes and cucumbers are fruits!” you add. 

“Spare me your blubbering, blasphemer.” Cardinal Ximenez replied. “You know very well that you’re here because you’ve committed the heinous act of heresy. So, admit your sin or face the horrible punishments that lie ahead.” 

“Forgive me, Cardinal, but I have nothing to confess.” you state. 

“Your deception will not be forgiven, heretic! Just make this easier for us and confess!” he shouts threateningly.

You stay silent because this was just getting ridiculous. Even more ridiculous than your aforementioned produce argument. 

“Not speaking up, eh? So be it! Your silence will only make it worse for you, sinner!” Ximenez yells. “Biggles! Fang! Bring out...the comfy chair.”

The two other men rush to fetch a big, soft, floral green chair that indeed looked comfortable to sit on.

“What am I going to do, sit to death? I already do that at home.” you groan.

“Feisty one, aren’t you? Looks like this is much more difficult than what I’m used to dealing with.” he says and looks at his two partners with a disappointed look. “Better leave this one to me. You two, get out of my sight.”

“But Cardinal—“ Fang tried to intercede.

“No buts. You two would just mess it up like you always do. Now go.”

Fang and Biggles hang their heads in shame and sadly exit the chamber. 

“Now you should really be fearful of what’s coming to you now that those two idiots are out of the picture. Since you clearly don’t take interrogation seriously, we’re going to have to settle this in different ways.”

“Different ways, eh? Do tell.” you smirk.

“Why tell what I can show?” He smirks back. 

“Alright, Cardinal. I like the cut of your jib. I’ll sit on the comfy chair and let you take over.”

You sit yourself down on the comfy chair anticipating what the mad Cardinal was going to pull out of his sleeve. You had a bit of an idea of what was going to happen, but it’s much more fun to see how this was going to unfold. 

“Now, this goes against the code of being a Cardinal, but I have to do what I have to do since you’re a special kind of sinner.”

“I’m honoured to be referred to as such.”

“Precisely the kind of smart-alec attitude I detest.  We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way.” he declared in a mildly intimidating tone. 

But you were having none of that. You could see right through him and that comically diabolical smile of his. Seeing as how this strange behaviour was getting you off, you decided to play the Cardinal’s game. 

“Hard way. Just how I want it.”

“You’ve made your choice, sinner.”

He walked in circles around the comfy chair while staring at you intensely. After one more round of walking, you felt his hand slither on your arm to your neck. His fingers caressed the nape of your neck as they went towards your chin. He held it between his index and his thumb, still looking at you intently. 

“Confess.”

You gave him a look that basically said “You’re gonna have to do better than that.”

Getting the message, his hand made its way to your left breast. He groped it and teased your nipples through your blouse. Now you were getting somewhere. For a man supposedly sworn to celibacy, he sure knew how to work second base correctly. Soon, he put both hands to work on both of your breasts and sensually massaged them, hoping and praying it gets an answer out of you. 

Oh, but you weren’t going to give up that easily, now were you? Perhaps it was time to touch him back just to get his juices pumping a little more. You slipped off your shoes and lightly grazed his leg with your foot. You could feel the shivers go up his spine. 

Your raised leg slightly revealed what was under your skirt. A smirk formed on your lips, awaiting how Cardinal Ximenez was going to set this one out. You spread your legs further to show him what he wants to see and to show him how naughty a sinner you were. 

“You’re not making this easier. Just admit your heretical antics and be done with it!” he demanded. 

“Why? Are you enjoying it too much?” you teased. 

“Just for that, I’m going to punish you even more!”

In a fuss, he stripped himself of his uniform. He threw his hat to the ground along with the rest of his clothes. 

“Cardinal, you have a nice ass, you know that?”

“I’m quite aware of the gifts the Lord gave me. Now, what you will do next should surely get a confession out of you.”

Still sitting on the chair, the man stands in front of you with his cock mere inches from your face. You look up at him teasingly; wondering if sucking his dick was really such a bad thing he made it out to be. You lick your lips in anticipation before slowly taking his cock in your mouth. 

The entire time, you looked up at his face to see if he would crack anytime as you did so. The thought of him breaking during your interrogation (if you could call it that) turned you on so much. He was astoundingly stiff and your tongue could practically feel the veins of his member sticking out. 

“Oh God...fucking hell…”

You noticed him looking like he was about to melt like an ice cream on a hot day. However, you’ve noticed yourself dripping like you were one too. 

At an attempt to scratch this itch, you slid your hand into your underwear and vigorously rubbed one out. This image of masturbation and being on the receiving end of a blowjob made Ximenez struggle to hold his ground even more. His heaving grew heavier and his sweat drops increased as the seconds passed.  Good, everything was going your way. 

That is, until Ximenez prompts you to stop blowing him because it clearly isn’t getting a confession out of you. 

“Alright, you’re enjoying this too much. I need to be more hands-on with you.”

The man is one kinky bastard. Luckily, you enjoyed being the brat in sexual role play, so this wasn’t unfamiliar territory for you. Hopefully he’s getting that memo through his stubborn skull by now. 

He removes your blouse and skirt in a fuss; frustrated that not everything was going to plan. His irritation was arousing you even more. You could practically see steam coming out of his ears as he tossed your clothes to the other side of the room. 

“Pardon me, but I think I’m really starting to enjoy your so-called punishment. Do you do this with all the heretics?”

“Sassy one, aren’t we? You’ll be eating your words when I go down on you, then you’ll be begging for mercy soon enough!”

“Oh please, quit making it sound better! Make me the scared little girl you want me to be!” you pleaded, wanting your brat/brat tamer fantasies to become reality. 

Your statement must have thrown Ximenez a little off because this was not the reaction he was expecting, nor was it the reaction he wanted. Nevertheless, he was pushing through with the cunnilingus. You excitedly gripped onto the arms of the comfy chair as he opened up your legs like these were the gates of heaven. 

“Couldn’t hold back, eh? Time to add that to your sins.” he comments, feasting his eyes upon the notable stain on your underwear. He pulls these off thusly before throwing it with the rest of the clothes. 

“Then eat me like the filthy sinner I am.”

Ximenez places his head between your thighs and gently laps your clit before going all-in with his mouth. He had hardly started, yet here you were ready to lose your mind over the way his tongue devoured your twat. You look down to see how immersed he is in it; it was way more than a Cardinal should be.

“Ah, right there...right fucking there…” you moaned as your womanhood was growing sensitive by the millisecond. It was almost too good to the point that you would confess to a sin that you clearly didn’t do. It was just that spectacular. 

“Ready to confess, woman? You’re—“ he said, pulling away from your cunt for a few seconds before you cut him off by shoving his head back between your legs. You weren’t ready for his scolding just yet. 

Getting the message, he eats you out harder and messier than earlier. He wants you to the very last drop, it seems. You begin digging your nails deep into the upholstery, unable to control the trembling and the hyperventilating. Just as you are about to come, Ximenez parts from your womanhood once again, much to your disappointment. 

“Goddamn it, woman, is there anything that’ll get you to confess?”

“Well, there is one thing…”

“Oh, you sinful temptress. You just want to rile up my blood real good, don’t you?”

“That’s the way it should be, isn’t it?” you answered, removing your brassiere and flinging it to him. “That’s what makes it extra fun.”

Unable to hold himself back and stand his ground anymore, he presses himself against you in a slightly uncomfortable-looking position. You were still in the chair, after all. He gives you a sly look, you throw one back. As soon as he was inside you, however, that smirk immediately became a face that you definitely wouldn’t show to polite company. 

“Confess. You know you want to.” he whispered huskily. 

As much as you wanted to answer him brashly, the immense pleasure made you lose the ability to form proper words. It was both pain and pleasure hearing him say it over and over again:

“Confess.”

What was there to confess? How much you love getting fucked by Ximenez? If that’s the case, you might as well have screamed it to the heavens as this was happening. Each time the word “confess” left his lips, it was getting more and more alluring. The way his hips gyrated had you feeling every inch he had inside you. You feared that the chair could tumble or break from too much of this. Comfy chair it was no more. 

You could feel your eyes welling up a bit, seeing as how overwhelming the feeling of having him inside you is. What you were sure of was that you were going mad with the orgasms. You wrapped your arms around the man for dear life. 

“Oh please, don’t stop!” you screamed. 

“Like hell I’d stop. Now confess or I’ll have to go in harder.”

“Then fucking go harder! Much harder! Make a mess out of me, just fucking do it!”

Again, what was there to confess at all? As long as you were getting much wanted rough sex, you didn’t want this to end. However, you felt your climax nearing while Ximenez was still going at it strong. Either he has great endurance, or is just really pent-up. You grip his shoulder to get his attention. 

“I think I’m about to...about to…”

Just before you could finish your sentence, the chair couldn’t take the heat anymore and fell backwards, sending him and you with it. Luckily, the chair cushioned your fall. 

Laid down, you felt yourself spilling your juices. Ximenez pulled himself out of you and finished himself off, letting his juices land on your stomach. You tingle at the cold feelings between your legs and on your tummy as there was a bit of a draft. 

“Are you alright?” he asked you. 

“I guess so. I’m just glad we didn’t break our backs when the chair fell.” you replied, rubbing the sides of your back a little from the impact. 

“I wasn’t too rough on you, was I?”

“No, no, not at all. Though I did notice that you were in quite a difficult position.”

“Well, having sex on a chair isn’t the easiest thing to pull off, now is it?”

Can’t argue with that since you were on the almost-comfortable end the whole time. You stood up to retrieve your clothes so that you could go home. The Cardinal just watches you, not saying a word. The air was a little bit awkward since this felt like a one-time thing. 

“I must be going now. This was quite fun, actually.”

“It wasn’t meant to be, but you better behave yourself after this. This was a little more alarming than the heresy. Which you still haven’t confessed to.”

“Yeah, because I didn’t commit heresy.”

“While I still want a confession, I'll let you off with a warning. Next time we see each other, you better be prepared.”

You nod at the Cardinal. Fully-dressed, you were ready to leave the undisclosed location. Lucky for you, Biggles and Fang were kind enough to show you how to get home on your way out of there. 

 

* * *

 

A few days later, you felt a little lonely but adventurous again. So you throw caution to the wind.

“I didn’t expect a Spanish Inquisition.”

“Nobody expects—“

Before he could finish his sentence, you pushed Biggles and Fang out the door, slammed it shut, and immediately gave Ximenez a passionate kiss on the lips. 

“Well, well, well. We meet again.”

“I’ve been a bad, bad girl.”

“Sinful temptress, I’m going to do something about it.”

Grabbing his arm, you two rush to the bedroom to settle unfinished business. You had an inkling that this was going to be a regular thing with him. Anything to fulfill your wildest fantasies. Sex makes fools of us all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hello, there! Surprised I'm posting again so soon? Well, this is to make up for lost time. Thing is, I had a lot of chapters that ranged from being 35-75% finished which I wrote while trying to finish Return To Castle Anthrax (the previous chapter). This is one of those fics. I don't know why this idea came up, but my friend and I were discussing suggestive scenarios with Flying Circus characters. The Spanish Inquisition unexpectedly (see what I did there?) popped up because why the hell not? You read the chapter notes at the beginning, didn't you? Though I have to admit, this is quite shorter than the other chapters since I left out romance and fluff.
> 
> I may post more chapters while I can because again, some of them are literally almost done or it's because I'm on a serious roll right now. Also, I'm still on break as of writing, so uni workload isn't a problem quite yet.
> 
> Thanks for reading this chapter! See you in the next one!


	5. Late Night Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tossing, turning, fussing around; her brain simply didn’t want to call it a day no matter how much she tried. It was half past midnight and she longed for rest or anything that could calm her down. She notices her husband, Michael, is still awake reading and begs him to help her relax.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Specific Palin era: 1982 (The Missionary era)  
> \- In case you're confused with the era I chose, Michael Palin wrote and starred in a movie called The Missionary. I highly recommend watching it because I reference it a little bit in the story (also because it's a hilarious movie, duh.)  
> \- This is a sort of sequel/epilogue to the second chapter (Why Can't I Wake Up With You). You don't necessarily have to read it to understand this chapter, but it makes some small references to chapter two. Either way, this chapter can be read alone if you don't feel like revisiting previous chapters.

Something just wasn’t right and it was keeping her up much more than she desired. Her mind was going a mile a minute, her body was as stiff as a metal board, and her eyes just would not close, no matter how many sheep she was counting at that point. 

“Bloody hell, this insomnia is killing me. Why can’t my body work like I want it to?” she thought to herself. 

She didn’t know what was keeping her awake. Her husband was quietly keeping to himself, meaning that he couldn’t possibly be the reason she’s struggling to drift off into the dream world. She kept checking the clock to see if knowing the time could urge her body to sleep. 

Everything felt so heavy to this restless soul—her thoughts, her clothes, and even the duvet; though she needed the last two to get through the chilly night. All the positions in bed she tried out were not cutting it for her. Nothing but frustration was what she was feeling while she stared at the ceiling dimly lit by the reading lamp. 

Wanting this increasingly tense agony to end, she turned to Michael, who was reading one of Hemingway’s books, For Whom The Bell Tolls. 

“Mike…” she murmured. 

“What’s the matter, darling?” he asked her while she pulled his sleeve. 

“Mike, I can’t sleep. I need you to help me relax even just a teeny tiny bit…”

He takes one look at her and is startled at how jittery and sleepless his lover was. 

“Good Lord, woman. I’ve never seen you this restless before.” he commented, looking away from his book and seeing the state of his beloved. 

She smothered her face on his arm, hoping the warmth can calm her senses down. He couldn’t help but be endeared by her attempts to fall asleep. 

“Hemingway can wait, we need to get you relaxed and fast.” he said to her. 

He gently caressed the back of her head with his hand, feeling the slight tangles in her hair in his fingertips. As soon as she felt him pet her, she looked up to see his face. Her eyes lit up as soon as she saw how great he looked tonight, despite the fact it was bedtime. 

Michael’s hair was still kept, seeing as how he hasn’t laid down yet, and he wore a pajama shirt with baby blue stripes. However, what really caught her eye was the way her husband was wearing his reading glasses and how sweetly he looked at her, book still in hand. It was awakening certain uncontrollable urges in her. 

“There’s my girl.” he smiled tenderly. “Now, what’s a surefire way to relax you?”

Not a word from him got through to her. She wasn’t sure if it was the sleep deprivation or her libido suddenly awakening out of the blue, but she was hopelessly lost in Michael’s eyes. All she can think of now is how handsome he is. 

“Darling? Are you still with me or are you just going to stare at me with those pretty eyes of yours?” he asked, placing his book on the nightstand. 

The husband’s question finally got his wife to snap out of her trance. Having lost her train of thought, she got slightly dizzy and wobbled a bit. Her unsteadiness caused her to fall right onto him. Luckily, he caught her in his arms at just the right time. It looked as if he dipped her like they were dancing a waltz. 

“Hi, there.” he said all flirty-like to the woman. 

“H-Hi…” she stammered. 

“So, about you relaxing?” he said, sitting her up on her side of the bed. 

“Ah yeah, that. I desperately need your help, Michael. I haven’t felt this horribly awake since I accidentally had that iced mocha that one evening.”

“Fear not, my love. We’ll get you nice and loose in no time.” he assured her. 

“Yeah, but the question is— how are we going to do that? What could I possibly do to soothe my mind and my body?” she asked him. 

The man removed his glasses and went in deep thought for a few moments until he came up with what he thought was a plausible solution. 

“Well...have you considered rubbing one out?” he blurted. 

“Mike!” she yelled, lightly slapping his arm. 

“What, it works for a lot of people! They say it can clear your mind and relieve muscle tension. No kidding.”

She blushes at how Michael could even suggest such a solution. Though come to think of it, she knew he was right. If she was sure that she’ll be getting relief, then she was going to do what it takes. After a few seconds of pondering, she came to a decision. 

“Alright, I’ll have my twat played with. But on one condition.”

“You name it.”

“You have to be the one to pleasure me. It feels so much better when it’s your hand.” she replied. “And if you’ll allow me, I’d like to give you a handjob while you touch me. Sound alright?”

Michael’s mouth went agape hearing the words that left his wife’s lips. He suddenly felt a little tension of his own now, which can really only be relieved by her stroking his cock. He nodded profusely, excited for what was about to ensue. 

“How about a kiss first?” she requested, noticing his eagerness. 

He quickly and hungrily planted his lips on hers, not wanting to wait another moment to make her feel good. 

 

* * *

 

Lying down next to each other, the wife’s hand was down her husband’s underwear and the husband did the exact same with his wife’s. It was a strange experience for the couple, considering how peculiar the set-up and position was. Blood was rushing to their faces and their temperatures rose to almost feverish levels. 

“Mike...oh, Mike…” she softly moaned. 

Her toes curled, she gripped the sheets with her free hand, and bit her bottom lip hard. His fingers gently rubbed her sensitive spot in circles, with every touch causing her to whimper and tremble. She occasionally turned her head to look at her husband, who was having as good a time as she was. 

While Michael was on the receiving end of his wife stroking his manhood up and down, he took heavy breaths and the way he clenched onto the mattress caused some of his veins to show. He wanted to kiss her so badly, but he didn’t want to break the momentum they already had. Pretty soon, the room was echoing with panting, profanities, and the rustling of bedsheets. 

“God, darling, you do that so well. Please don’t stop, I beg of you..” he said. 

Just when she thought that it wouldn’t get any more intense, Michael inserts two of his fingers into her already dripping entrance. It was a bit of a challenge, given the current position they were in, but it was nothing a little adjustment couldn’t fix. His fingers massaged her from the inside, touching spots that caused the sensations she was feeling to escalate. 

“Ah...ah...ah!” she screamed with her mouth wide open and watering. 

Michael leaned in closer to his beloved because he couldn’t bear not kissing her for another minute. He gives her neck a bunch of sloppy kisses before sucking heartily at it.

“Mike...that’s gonna leave a mark!”

“If you weren’t so delicious, I wouldn’t be doing it, now would I?”

All she could respond with was with pleasured moans and whimpers which soon turned muffled when her husband placed his lips on hers. Soon, their tongues began enjoying each other’s tastes. Her body was beginning to feel like jelly. It wasn’t exactly what she wanted, but it was better than her stiffness from earlier. She was finally loosening up, which will make her eventual slumber much more enjoyable. 

Meanwhile, Michael’s body was getting warmer and warmer from the way his wife was playing with his cock. His skin glistened with sweat under the bedside lamp’s faint light. Pretty soon, he was sharing copious amounts of body heat with his beloved, making their perceived temperature of the room much more humid than it actually was. 

“Mike, I really think I’m about to...well…” 

“Say no more. I’ll get you there.” he said to her with what breath he could muster. 

Her breaths got heavier, everything she saw was fading into white, and her sweat dripped waterfalls. She repeatedly yelled out her husband’s name as he was driving her close to the edge. 

“I can’t…hold it in anymore…oh, Michael!” she cried, losing herself and spilling her fluids onto her husband’s fingers. 

Though she was in the middle of climaxing, she still took it upon herself to help her husband reach his limit. He told her to take it easy, but it was too late for her to quit now. The intensity of her pleasure caused her to apply a little more pressure to the way she was stroking Michael’s length. The friction between her hand and his manhood was bringing him closer to his own climax. His eyes shut tightly and he soon saw his surroundings fade into white too. 

“Fuck!” he shouted. 

After a few deep breaths, he grabbed his lover tight with his free hand, since the other one was covered in his wife’s love drippings. He kissed every bit of her face, letting each other’s warmth radiate between them. 

The man rolled over back to his side of the bed, slightly exhausted from the exhilarating moment. He looks over to his beloved and sees a face that seems a teensy bit unsatisfied. 

“Dearest, is everything okay?”

“Well, you really had me going and I honestly didn’t want it to end this soon.” she sighs. “Could you maybe...play with me a bit more?”

He closes his eyes and goes into deep thought for a moment just like earlier. The man puts his face closer to hers and says:

“Looks like the sleepy girl has become a little naughtier than she made herself out to be.” he says with the same flirty tone as before. 

“There you go again being cheeky! How did I ever let us sleep with each other when we were flatmates?” she groaned sardonically. 

“Because my cheekiness turns you on?” he quipped. 

“Your smile and the way you make me feel is my weakness, I guess.” she said warmly, knowing that she can’t snark at Michael for more than a few seconds because she loves him too much to ever be insincere. 

They looked into each other’s eyes and started giggling like young lovers would. After another look at each other with the widest smiles possible, they began making out once more. Nothing turned them on more than kissing each other; it was addictive. As it went on, he unbuttoned her pajama blouse to reveal her bare breasts. 

“I thought they needed a little love.” he said, squeezing them excitedly. 

“You’ll do anything to see my tits, I know.” she laughed. 

He heartily sucks her nipples, causing her body to heat up once more. Her reaction was a mix of moaning and uncontrollable laughter, since the way his tongue flicked her nipples was quite ticklish. Realising that she probably had a less-than-savoury look on her face, she covered it up out of embarrassment. 

“Hey, hey, hey. No need to cover up. It’s not like I’ve never seen you make that face before.”

“Mike, it’s just such a weird face to make.”

“If you’d think I’d be thrown off by that, would I have stayed as long I have?”

From there, her uncontrollable laughs got worse because of the overwhelming love she had for him. Her husband was growing concerned, so he stopped what he was doing for a while to settle her down. 

“Look at me. You’re an amazing woman, an amazing wife, and I love everything about you. The cute faces you make when we make love are just one of them.” he assured her lovingly. 

“I love you so much, Michael.” she smiled with relief. 

He answered with a deep kiss, which eventually led to him kissing down her body. When his lips reached her tummy, he gently pulled down both her pajama bottoms and underwear. His hot breath made contact with her womanhood, which was already wet from before. The sensation brought her light shivers and whimpers. 

Michael’s tongue licked his wife’s clit enthusiastically and lightly pulled her lips with his mouth. Every bit of her cunt was eaten out hungrily. Her entire body trembled, tempting her entrance to overflow. She dug her fingers into her husband’s shoulders, fighting the urge to scream more than she already had. 

Hyperventilating, she realised how close she was to release for a second time. Her face blushed its reddest, her eyes tightly shut, and her fingers clenched onto Michael’s skin roughly. Unable to withhold her moans and profanities any longer, she finally broke. 

“Oh god, oh god…oh fuck, oh fuck… Michael!” she cried, finally succumbing to the overwhelming pleasure. 

Her lover removed his mouth from her cunt, with some of her cum sticking to his face. She immediately reached for a tissue from her nightstand to wipe off the mess she made on him. 

“Let me clean that up for you.” 

“Much appreciated, love. Though I must admit, you still taste very good.”

“I better be. I’ve been eating a whole lot of fruit.” she chuckled. 

They both lay exhausted on the bed, breathing rather heavily. The wife was finally loosened up and relaxed, ready for a good night’s sleep. However, it was less than ideal for her to sleep in a soaked pair of knickers, so she decided to change her bottoms after a few deep breaths. The husband soon did the same. A conversation struck up as they were changing. 

“Remind me to put some towels on before we decide to do that again.” she sighed. 

“Will do. Remind me to wear my glasses more often.”

“Why?” she questioned. 

“Oh, don’t think I didn’t take notice, my dear. You go absolutely mad when you see me in those.” he said. 

“How can I help it? You reminded me of a sexy professor. You can only imagine how jealous I was to see girls flirting with you in your glasses while watching your new film.” she confessed. 

“Hm, like what I did with it, though?” he asked. 

“It was alright.” she teased.

“I’ll take it.” he laughed. 

“Though I do relate to the line where one of the girls say that she couldn't sleep because she couldn’t stop thinking about you. She was the one who got naked, I think.”

“Oh my goodness. And what can you say about Lady Isabel?” 

“I enjoyed her and was a tiny bit irritated about how much I related to her.”

Just as they were about to call it a night, Michael stopped her in her tracks. 

“Wait.”

“What?”

“It’s cold. Let me button up your shirt.”

“Yeesh, that’s all? I’m a big girl, I can do it myself.” she snickered. 

“I’ll make any excuse to get closer to you.” he said, buttoning up her pajama blouse. 

“Oh, you can be so mushy sometimes! Be a little serious.” she said, unable to control her laughter from her husband’s ridiculousness. 

“You know that I haven’t been serious since the day we met, and I’m not about to start now.” he smiled. 

Her cheeks blushed pink and she looked at him with all the love in her heart. They both collected themselves, lay down, and were ready to call it a night. But not before exchanging a few more sweet nothings. 

“Thanks for helping me out, Mike. I appreciate it a lot.”

“Only for you, dearest. Just let me know.”

“I love you so much.” she whispered. 

“I love you too, gorgeous.” he whispered back. 

With that, the lovers slowly closed their eyes and drifted off into the dream world. However, in the back of their minds, they could hardly wait for sunrise to wake up next to each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can really tell that I am on a serious roll with these stories, eh? This is another one the fics I wrote while trying to finish "Return To Castle Anthrax" (third chapter). I wanted to write a sequel to "Why Can't I Wake Up With You" for the longest time because you know that I'm a sucker for fluff. To reiterate my end notes from the previous chapter ("Unexpected"), I'm trying to get as many fics out as possible while I'm not being bombarded by uni workload. 
> 
> A little backstory to this: I struggle with insomnia myself like the reader character, so I decided to turn my suffering into smut. I only wish I had my own Michael to help me loosen up and sleep easier. As you can tell, I've been very inspired because there are erotic plot lines I really want to bring into fruition. Also, I hate being dormant. If I'm not being productive, I go crackers.
> 
> Anyway, hopefully I can get another chapter out while the momentum's going. Thanks for reading and see you next chapter!


	6. Just Between Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Eric have a bit of fun with you. Very straightforward and self-explanatory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Specific Palin & Idle era: Life Of Brian era (1979)  
> \- DISCLAIMER: This is plotless smut I just wanted to write for fun and because who doesn’t want to be in a Mike and Eric love sandwich?  
> \- Contains some slash. (You already know who’s involved)  
> \- Contains butt-stuff. (Any hole is a goal!)

“So beautiful. Isn't she, Mike?”

“Absolutely gorgeous, Eric.”

The two naked gentlemen before you looked at you intently, examining every bit of you they could lay their eyes on. Your entire body was blushing, since you weren’t used to two handsome blokes being this fascinated with you. You honestly don’t know how you got yourself into this situation, but you weren’t about to complain about it.

“Please be gentle with me, guys.” you say to them.

“We’ll try our best.” Eric teased. 

“Relax, love. We’ll take good care of you.” Michael assured you. 

Soon, you found yourself in the middle of these two, a little intimidated by their presence. On your left, a dirty blonde shaggy haired cheeky flirt and on your right, a dark-haired sweetheart with trusting eyes. You weren’t so sure what to make of this combination, but even the mere thought of it drove you mad with arousal. You felt yourself trembling with delight, anticipating how Mike and Eric were going to play with you. 

Being the more selfish one, Eric places his hands on your face, turns it towards him and begins kissing you. His lips were soft and he was quite the intense kisser. His tongue happily tasted yours, giving him great pleasure the longer he did it. While this was happening, Michael began kissing your neck softly and letting himself embrace you. You could feel his hot breath against your skin, making the area between your legs quiver in excitement. Your hands felt like wandering and latching onto something. As much as you wanted to move, you were restrained by the grips of the two men. 

Wanting to have his turn, Michael turned your body towards his just as Eric’s lips pulled away from yours for a moment. Michael looked into your eyes longingly before planting his lips on yours. He was a gentler kisser than Eric, but that wasn’t about to become a conclusion on who can kiss better. You were content just sharing smooches with them no matter how rough or gentle they were. 

While Eric was a little irked that Michael nabbed you right under his nose, that wasn’t going to stop him from having a piece of you. His hand went to fondle your breast and his thumb rubbed your nipples. The sensitivity of your nipples grew as he touched it more. You were practically moaning against Michael’s mouth as he was still kissing you. Hearing your muffled moans seemed to have made Eric more enthusiastic, since he found himself gladly licking and sucking on your tits. You felt multiple hands caressing your body, but weren’t sure which hand belonged to whom. Feeling how warm you were, Michael detached himself from your face and let you breathe for a while.

“Eric, let’s take it a little easy on her. She’s getting a little too warm.” Michael said, feeling your forehead with the back of his hand.

“Alright, we’ll let her cool down. In the meantime...kiss me, you fool.” Eric answered.

Michael let out a small giggle upon hearing Eric’s remark. Both men sat up and leaned in to kiss each other while you cooled off for a bit. However, now that you saw those two making out, there was no chance of becoming calmer at this point. Seeing them enjoy each other’s lips and tongues, you proceeded to touch yourself down there. You watched as Michael played with Eric’s curls and Eric enveloped Michael into an embrace. 

You rubbed your clit vigorously, arching your back a little to enjoy the view a little more clearly. You were dripping wet, feeling like a bit of a voyeur even though you were in on this. A loud moan left you, which got their attention. They caught you red-handed almost inserting your middle finger into your twat.

“Oh, I hope I’m not interrupting you two.” you said to them in a cheeky tone.

“Not at all, love. We could smell you getting wet from here.” Eric replied with a smirk. “Come on, Mike. She missed us.”

You sat yourself up and put yourself in between them. They shift their focus back to you; gently kissing your cheeks, forehead, and hands. Eric took it further by getting down and peppering little kisses on your body until he reached your womanhood. He spreads your legs apart to get a better look at it. Not being able to control himself any longer, he starts licking your cunt. The way his tongue licked every spot made you grip tightly on a nearby pillow. 

Michael was starting to get a little antsy, so he got on his knees with his stiff cock in hand and began stroking it. 

“You want me to take care of that for you?” you asked him. 

“If it’s not too much trouble.” he replied. 

“No trouble at all, I’ve been thinking about having you in my mouth all night long.” you smiled. 

Still on his knees, Michael moved a little closer to your face. Your head slightly turned to see his cock up close and personal. You lapped the tip for a few seconds before taking it in slowly to see how much of him you can fit in your mouth. However, the sensations you were feeling from Eric eating you out made your head involuntarily jerk forward, causing you to take in a huge portion of Michael’s dick. Michael was quite surprised, thinking you’d take it a little bit slower with him. But hey, whatever gets him to put his cock in your mouth. 

You heartily sucked on Michael’s cock and moved your head back and forth, craving to feel every bit of him with your mouth. His body tensed up and had beads of sweat rolling down at a fast rate. Your moans from Eric devouring your cunt were vibrating against his dick, making it much more difficult to hold back his pleasured whimpers. 

Meanwhile, the man going down on you had a hard-on himself, so he stroked his own cock with his free hand. The other hand was inserting its middle finger into your soaking entrance. Eric’s finger moved around inside and went in and out the slippery surface. Soon, one finger just wasn’t enough, so he went ahead and inserted his index finger along with his middle. The combination of his mouth on your clit and his fingers inside you made your muffled moans even louder.

You and Michael noticed how Eric was doing a lot of the work the whole time, so you both decided to take care of him. You tapped Eric’s shoulder, prompting him to retract himself from your twat.

“Yes?”

“Mike and I think it’s time that you get taken care of.”

“About time, it’s driving me crackers that no one’s doing me!”

“Relax, Eric. You’ll get some good loving from us.” Michael flirted.

Eric rolled over to lie down on his back. Both you and Michael were on all fours, with you on Eric’s left, and Michael on his right. You two stared attentively at his cock, which was as stiff as a board at that point. Michael lapped the tip, while your tongue made its way along the shaft. Aside from that, you gave Eric’s inner thighs little kisses, hoping that would add to his satisfaction.

Looking at Eric, you see him tightly shut his eyes and give out heaving breaths. His shaggy hair was looking a little more of a mess, which means that you and Michael were doing your job right. Speaking of Michael, you watched him sucking on Eric’s cock like there was no tomorrow. You grew both suspicious and aroused that they’ve done this before. Michael noticed you staring at him and gave you a little wink while his tongue licked Eric’s tip some more. 

You went a little closer to Eric’s chest with the intention to suck on his nipples. Your tongue flicked it gently, and Eric let out a whine. Apparently, Eric’s nipples were quite sensitive; maybe even a little more sensitive than yours. This new information was getting you off, so you continued to eagerly suck on them. You meet Michael’s eyes once again and he gave you an approving look seeing you take advantage of Eric’s erogenous spots. You both start giggling against the part of Eric you two were respectively enjoying, which suddenly made Eric laugh as well since the vibrations made him ticklish.

“Alright, you two, that’s enough.” Eric said, barely holding in his giggles.

“Aw, but we were just getting started.” you complained.

“Eric doesn’t like to giggle during sex, love.”

“Quit being cheeky, Mike. You know that’s my job.”

“Okay, okay.”

All three of you moved on from the short banter and began changing positions. You decided to get on your hands and knees because you longed for one of them to be inside you already. Closing your eyes, you waited for somebody to take you. You sensed one go behind you and one go in front of you. A hand grabbed the back of your head towards his dick, and you began sucking him off. Opening your eyes, you saw yourself blowing Eric. 

Just upon your realization, you felt Michael’s cock nudging against your cunt. His hands were on your hips to maintain a bit of balance, knowing how messy this was going to get. He slowly entered you, slightly trembling from the feeling. Your hands gripped the sheets tighter than ever and the tone of your whimpers went higher. You felt Eric’s hand holding on the back of your head, trying to keep his stability.

“You alright over there, love?” Michael asked breathlessly, to which you could only reply with a muffled affirmation.

Skin hitting skin, the smell of perspiration, and the rising temperature of everyone involved was making all of you aroused to the maximum capacity. You could hear Eric’s whines and Michael’s whimpers echo throughout the room. Looking across at each other, both men watched each other blush and moan as they were being pleasured by you one way or another. 

You take out Eric’s dick from your mouth to catch your breath for a little while. Eric stood up to retrieve something from a drawer while Michael was still thrusting you from behind. You saw him holding a bottle of something, but you couldn’t quite make out what it was. What came out of the bottle was a clear liquid which he put on his hand and applied on his cock; you understood what was about to happen.

Michael took his manhood out of your twat for a while, repositioning you two so that he was lying down and you were on top of him. You two glance at Eric, whose dick was covered in lubricant. You were a little overwhelmed about doing anal, but they made sure to make you feel as comfortable as you needed to be.

“This might hurt a little bit, darling.” Eric said.

“To be honest with you, I’m a little scared.” you told him.

“Love, we’ll be extra careful with you. Just breathe a little bit.” Michael said to you in reply to your predicament. “Eric, take it easy on her, will you?”

“Of course I will.” Eric said in an assuring tone.

Feeling a little more relieved, you allowed Michael’s cock back inside you to pick up where you two left off. You lowered your body towards Michael to give Eric some room for his cock to go in more easily. Suddenly, you felt a cold sensation on your anus, which must be the lubricant Eric put on earlier. It may have looked a bit excessive when he applied it, but it turns out that it was just the right amount for him to do this without hurting you too much.

You felt Eric’s manhood enter your asshole gradually, making sure you were slowly getting used to the feeling. His thrusts were light and so were Michael’s, since they could see you struggling having two cocks inside you. You embraced Michael tightly and sank your nails into his skin to vent out your sexual frustration and to alleviate the initial pain you were feeling.

As the minutes passed, however, you were getting used to the sensations, little by little. You hungrily kissed Michael and you could feel Eric sucking on your neck and digging his fingers into your hips. The moans between you three were getting louder and more profane, signifying nearing climax.

You all held onto each other tightly for dear life. The hypersensitivity must have finally kicked in, because everything felt ten times as intense at that very moment. Hands were everywhere, body heat was radiating, and the sheets were close to coming off from all the movement. Everything you saw was becoming a blur.

It was unspoken, but everyone was reaching their limit. Eric was panting, Michael was heaving, and your moans almost sounded like cries. Both of them pulled out, moved to a side of the bed, and placed you between them. You put your hands on both of their cocks and stoked them vigorously with what little energy you had left. Two of Michael’s fingers were inserted into your cunt trying to help you come.

You heard both them whine in pleasure, feeling their fluids run down your hands as you were still holding onto their manhoods. Your womanhood also gave in; overflowing onto Michael’s fingers and leaving them soaked. Eric collapses by your right on the bed, since he was on his knees earlier.

All of you try to catch your breath, but instead break out into another case of the giggles. Eric kissed you, you kissed Michael, and Michael went over to kiss Eric. You all embraced and nuzzled each other warmly. 

“Didn’t I tell you, Mike? She’s so nice to have around.”

“Oh dear god, yes. I want her around more.”

Both Michael and Eric took a turn planting a passionate kiss on your lips. All three of you cuddled each other happily for the rest of the night. You felt so safe and sound in their arms, unable to keep the smile off your face as you all drifted off to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet you didn't see this coming, huh? This is my last hurrah before I start classes again. It was fun posting a bunch of chapters for you guys and I hope you enjoy this one, because it's the last one I'm going to write for a while. Thank you so much for reading!


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